[Mkguild] "To Steal a Soul" -- Part 5

[Kendo Virmir]

On 8/16/07, Chris <chrisokane at verizon.net> wrote:
>
>
> >>> Good looking section my friend. Adds more excitement. I only have 1
> comment. All the things charged past them without stopping. Wouldn't at
> least 1 see them?
>

Thanks for reading!

The monsters were all chasing the boar like maniacs, looking straight
ahead.  Virmir and co. were down an intersecting hallway, not the one
the plant creatures were running down.  Our heroes also had their
backs pressed against the wall, so they would be less visible out of
the corners of the monsters' eyes.  They would have to have been
looking to the side while running to see them.

I struggled with that paragraph a bit trying to find a happy medium
between describing in detail but making it too wordy and boring, and
being concise but not describing enough.  Looks like it needs another
pass.  Thanks for the comments!

-- 
- Virmir
http://virmir.com