[Mkguild] The Journeys Begin

[C. Matthias]

>Well, here at last is my first chapter.  This is only the second 
>time I've written a story so any comments or suggestions on how to 
>improve would be welcome.

Well, so far I rather like what I see.  I think you have a good grasp 
of language, and your also pace your scenes well.  You need to be a 
little careful with smart quotes, as they were mangled in a few 
places by the email program.  But that's something we all face.

I rather like your characters.  The idea of having characters form 
Irombi is nice.  I love that they are riding a Leviathan!  That's 
awesome!  And one that can be so trusted that Drake could climb into 
his mouth!!  Very cool!

The Wolf Riders tribe was cool.  I liked the characters, although we 
learned the names of the wolves more than we did their riders. ;-)

Ashley seems nice, although I have no idea what she is other than 
female.  Is she human?  You never answer that.

Mycransburg is still there, but yes, the ard'Kapler mansion would be a ruin.

I think the most jarring weakness in your writing is your tendency to 
state things up front.  You tell us rather than show us.  And you use 
words that probably wouldn't be used by the people.  The patriarchal 
bit could likely be better expressed without using the $5 word, if 
you catch my meaning.

Otherwise, good start, and WELCOME TO METAMOR KEEP! :-)

May He bless you and keep you in His grace and love,

Charles Matthias