[Mkguild] New Author & Character: Stryker

[Kendo Virmir]

On 11/19/07, Stryker mk <stryker.mk at gmail.com> wrote:
> Hi --
>
> My name is Britt, and after reading all the archived MK stories, I've
> decided to give writing some a try.

You got thought them *all*?  Awesome!  Welcome to the club. :)

I like the specs for your character quite a bit.  Although you want to
be careful not to have too strong a character so he doesn't get
boring. ;) His having two souls, in particular the souls of two
entirely different species, let alone genders is very intriguing.  It
seems you can do quite a bit of confused moments and soul-searching,
so to speak, with him.  I'm not a huge fan of automatons in the MK
universe, but this is definitely a cleverly thought out one. :)

I like your intro story.  Although you leave a lot open about the
backgrounds of the two characters that become Stryker, I would imagine
you're going to shed some light on them a bit in future tales.  You do
use a few very modern terms for the setting, though (e.g.
"nanoseconds") and I'm not sure how the MK vets will like space
travel, although I find getting blasted clear into orbit pretty
awesome. :)

One thing you want to look out for when writing is to be careful not
to head jump.  E.g. in the first scene, you jump from the hunter's
thoughts to the marten's (although only briefly) and back again.  It's
not an awful thing, but it's generally a good idea to stick from one
point of view for the whole scene.  You do this a bit later on during
the sacrifice, too.

My only real qualm with this story is the five thousand years of ice
age thrust upon the planet as a result of the spell gone awry.  :)  I
mean, holy crap, that is some spell!  He's just an apprentice, and by
the looks of things, doing most of the work by himself with the master
just watching.  And then his spell gets screwed up and piratically
destroys the world.  I don't think you need to mention the ice age,
just that it was a huge explosion. :)

Nice work altogether, and am definitely looking forward to reading
more of your work.  Welcome to Metamor Keep!

-- 
- Kendo Virmir
http://virmir.com -- Some of my stories!
http://transform.to/~metamor -- Metamor Keep Archives