[Mkguild] Post Race

[Stealth]

On 4/1/08, C. Matthias <jagille3 at vt.edu> wrote:
>
>  The gazelle studied the tomb in silence, although at one point he had to
> adjust the balance on his hooves due to a sagging concentration. Study was
> necessary but tedious, usually he'd be practicing the magical-strand-weav=
ing
> manoeuvre but with his arm in a slink that was out of the question.
>
>
> "slink" =3D> "sling"
>

Yeah, right after I posted it to the list Morgan went over it and pointed
that out, thanks though.

 A sudden sense of instinctive fear and the journeyman became aware of a
> visitor. He quickly composed himself and continued his study, pretending =
to
> ignore the guest who himself obviously had his own fears as he didn't ent=
er
> but just stood outside the door, out of sight.
>
>
> I don't like this paragraph.  It's too clunky and doesn't convey a sense
> of action.  Try this instead: "His hide twitched with instinctive fear as
> the journeyman grew aware of a visitor standing out of sight just outside
> the door.  He quickly composed himself, continued his study and pretended=
 to
> ignore the guest who obviously had his own fears as he remained outside
> shifting his weight back and forth on his paws."
>

Okay

 -----------------------------------
>
> They stood in an open field near the keep's outer walls. Two of the
> fastest land animals on the planet. In morph form.
>
> After some brief pre race preparations the two stood at the imaginary
> starting line.
>
> "Your legs are shorter, lad." Edmund noted.
>
> "Don't write me off yet old man!" Stealth retorted.
>
>
> I recall this line from your picture. :-)
>

Heh, I never thought I really would write about it. Ah well!

 Stealth's tactics had not changed, they had gotten him this far and without
> them Edmund would probably already be at the finish line. He batt Edmund's
> face, Ed in turn batt at Stealth and the two continued to batt each other=
 as
> well as swipe, shove and restrain, right over the line.
>
>
> "batt" =3D> "bat" or "batted"
>

Whoops

 "I see. But rank, noble status and place of birth mean little here.
> everyone is judged on their own worth." Edmund explained.
>
>
> Not entirely true.  Nobody would tell Duke Thomas his noble birth doesn't
> matter. ;-)
>

Not yet! :) Actually, that's Misha's line; I wasn't happy with what I had
Edmund say so I asked him what the Paladin might say.

 "It would seem so!" Stealth answered with a faint smile, he made sure to
> keep his muzzle closed so the sharp incisors would remain hidden from vie=
w.
>
>
> Replace the comma with a period.  What you have here in the sentence is a
> comma splice and they are to be avoided.
>

Yeah, still working on my grammar. *face palms

 A good little story, Stealth!  Thank you for sharing this with us. :-)
>

Thanks. :)

 May He bless you and keep you in His grace and love,
>
> Charles Matthias
>
>
>
>
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