[Mkguild] Post Race

[C. Matthias]

>The gazelle studied the tomb in silence, although at one point he 
>had to adjust the balance on his hooves due to a sagging 
>concentration. Study was necessary but tedious, usually he'd be 
>practicing the magical-strand-weaving manoeuvre but with his arm in 
>a slink that was out of the question.

"slink" => "sling"

>A sudden sense of instinctive fear and the journeyman became aware 
>of a visitor. He quickly composed himself and continued his study, 
>pretending to ignore the guest who himself obviously had his own 
>fears as he didn't enter but just stood outside the door, out of sight.

I don't like this paragraph.  It's too clunky and doesn't convey a 
sense of action.  Try this instead: "His hide twitched with 
instinctive fear as the journeyman grew aware of a visitor standing 
out of sight just outside the door.  He quickly composed himself, 
continued his study and pretended to ignore the guest who obviously 
had his own fears as he remained outside shifting his weight back and 
forth on his paws."

>-----------------------------------
>
>They stood in an open field near the keep's outer walls. Two of the 
>fastest land animals on the planet. In morph form.
>
>After some brief pre race preparations the two stood at the 
>imaginary starting line.
>
>"Your legs are shorter, lad." Edmund noted.
>
>"Don't write me off yet old man!" Stealth retorted.

I recall this line from your picture. :-)

>Stealth's tactics had not changed, they had gotten him this far and 
>without them Edmund would probably already be at the finish line. He 
>batt Edmund's face, Ed in turn batt at Stealth and the two continued 
>to batt each other as well as swipe, shove and restrain, right over the line.

"batt" => "bat" or "batted"

>"I see. But rank, noble status and place of birth mean little here. 
>everyone is judged on their own worth." Edmund explained.

Not entirely true.  Nobody would tell Duke Thomas his noble birth 
doesn't matter. ;-)

>"It would seem so!" Stealth answered with a faint smile, he made 
>sure to keep his muzzle closed so the sharp incisors would remain 
>hidden from view.

Replace the comma with a period.  What you have here in the sentence 
is a comma splice and they are to be avoided.

A good little story, Stealth!  Thank you for sharing this with us. :-)

May He bless you and keep you in His grace and love,

Charles Matthias


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