[Mkguild] A Traveller Appears

[Skylos]

On Sat, Jul 11, 2009 at 8:02 PM, <tjlord at bellsouth.net> wrote:

>  wow. umm. definitely nervous, but forcing myself to send out my first
> story today.
> here we go...
>

Hm.  You're telling rather than showing.  I think that its good to show
something happening - telling is so detached, you don't really get into the
moment.  There was a whole fight scene with people dying and i didn't feel a
thing.

You are reasonably good at expressing in the written word, you should in my
opinion take the angle of writing what its like to be in it and describe
things.  At each poitn try to touch - What do you see - What do you hear -
What do you smell - What do you taste - What do you feel - What do you
emotionally feel?

The inclusion of these descriptions will bring the reader into the story and
let him feel to be a part of it.

It would also make this dramatically longer on the page.  But that is not
necessarily a bad thing with an appealing character and interesting events,
just needs to stay balanced.

Keep up explorations with writing and how to write and get better.  :)

Skylos
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