[Mkguild] Just an Average Patrol

[Kit]

Well it took me a year, but I finally finished this story inspired by the
question, "What would happen if Pascal went on a patrol?" Believe it or not,
I had originally intended for this to be a serious story, but I quickly gave
up in favor of more amusing (and less canonical) things. Anyway, with this
done, I have just one story in MK left to complete before I wrap up my
character. It's been fun but I've sort of lost interest in writing for this
universe. I used to have a whole plot in mind, but now I'm just giving my
character an in town shop where he sells magic trinkets, pendants, and
charms where just about anyone can make use of him if for some reason they
feel the need to.

Kit
*

There was once a time in Metamor when anyone could do anything. The most
common of farmers could fight off a warband of a dozen lutins when caught by
surprise and using nothing but a shovel and probably with a hangover to
boot. Many could even do this while playing a high stakes game of poker or
talking about the daily gossip. Some of you called it the Superman Syndrome,
some of you thought it was silly, but it was one of the things that drew me
most strongly to MK. This may almost certainly be filed as non-canon, but
this story is to remind you that this used to be true and that maybe... for
some people... it still is.*

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It was early morning when I was awoken by a rapping on the door. I stumbled
forwards to answer it and found what appeared to be a stork holding a scroll
of paper. Another time long ago I might have stared at the stork, but such
sights in Metamor are common, and if I wanted to look at a freak of
nature... well there was a mirror in the room behind me. So instead of
staring at the stork, I stared at the piece of paper.

In my defense I have never been a morning person, but evidentally the stork
got tired of waiting and grabbed my hand, put the scroll in it and left with
me still staring blearily at the paper. I managed to snap out of it and
opened the scroll which read,

"You are cordially invited to attend your annual mandatory local patrol.
Occasion is casual wear, but you should bring a weapon of choice. If you do
not have a weapon, or indeed armor, a loan will be provided. If you do not
have experience with fighting, well... good luck. Not every patrol
encounters lutins after all."

The scroll was signed with a smiley face at the bottom and underneath were
more detailed instructions of where and when to go. Grumbling tiredly, I
stumbled to the kitchen and a few cups of coffee later felt human again.
Relatively. My assignment wasn't for a few hours from now but I figured that
there was no time like the present, the early bird catches the worm (even if
I wasn't a bird) and other similar expressions.

So off I set into the castle and after a few mishaps with a bar, a priest,
and low hanging sign, managed to find my way to the armory where I had to
explain to the attendant that because I was a mage I did not need a sword.
He started going on about rules and regulations and various forms and
paperwork about how it wasn't permissable to go on patrol without a properly
recognized weapon and I just decided to take the sword. I've learned that no
matter where you go, bureaucrats will always be the same, and it's always a
bad idea to mess with bureaucrats.

A little while later we were joined by a porcupine I recognized as a local
seamstress in the town with a penchant for using her quills as tools named
Elaine. She went into the backroom where the attendant was and it wasn't
long before I heard arguing. From what I could gather, Elaine wanted to use
her quills as weapons and they didn't count as a 'properly recognized
weapon'. It wasn't long before the arguing escalated into shouting and
shortly after that there were some loud sounds, a bang or two, and Elaine
came flying out of the back room followed by a sword much like the one that
I now had where she landed in a heap on the floor. Peering cautiously into
the room from where I was sitting I saw the attendant looking incredibly
pleased with himself and adjusting his tie.

Elaine started grubling about narcs and regulations and picked herself (and
the sword) up off the floor, choosing to sit next to me. Right about then
the door opened again and we both turned to see another porcupine, this one
with a coloring of zebra stripes garish enough to make Elaine flinch away
from her. It was painful, but you come to expect that sort of thing when a
porcupine sits next to you. I recognized the newcomer as the keep's
alchemist, Pascal who apparently had done this before and went straight to
the back room where she requested a sword and came back out almost
immediately.