[Mkguild] First Steps (2/?)

[Nathan Pfaunmiller]

A scene that popped into my head this evening.  The direction of the
scene was planned a while ago, but the actual content came to me just
tonight.  Enjoy!

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	Gerard woke the next morning, alone in his room.  His wife had
clearly gone to take care of the things around the house, and she
could not blame her.  It seemed that it could not be far from noon
now, based on the sunlight coming through the window.

	Through the window he could also catch glimpses of his children.
None were quite old enough to be Cursed yet, although the day was fast
approaching for Caleb, their eldest.  He was twelve, and an early
bloomer at that.  Gerard would not be surprised if he saw the change
in the boy by the coming summer.  The uncertainty that the Curse
caused about how to raise their children had always made their lives
interesting, but Caleb was strong-willed, and had told his father than
he would accept Eli’s will when the Curse came.  There had been a time
when they had considered sending him to the south to live with
Gerard’s brother, but the boy had overheard the conversation, and had
stalwartly refused any justification for the possibility.  He would
stay in the Keep and become a great warrior.

	What would happen to the boys resolve if his father lost his leg?  He
had always insisted that Gerard was the entire reason he wanted to be
a warrior; what would he think if he found out that such a life had
cost his father his leg, and nearly his life?

	As he watched the window for glimpses of his children, he saw that
Caleb was playing with Adrian and Karl.  Adrian was the second born;
he was less enthusiastic than his older brother, but no less
determined, and excelled in his letters far beyond Caleb’s ability.
He had long ago resigned himself to the fact that he would not be as
strong as his older brother, and so he prided himself in being the
smarter of the two, even while four years younger than him.

	Karl had been adopted after the Winter Assault of the past year.  He
was barely a month younger than Adrian, but he was still often
withdrawn, even though he never suffered any ill will from his adopted
brothers.  No one in the family would begrudge him the quiet time when
he needed it, as even the youngest of them understood war and its
consequences, and knew at least intellectually what the young boy was
suffering.  It did Gerard’s sorrowing heart good to see the young man
laughing as he played with the others.

	Still, Gerard could not see his youngest.  The four-year-old Peter
was always wide-eyed and full of overwhelming joy.  Gerard’s heart
sank when he thought of how this would affect him.  He couldn’t
imagine a world without that constantly-beaming face.  The loss of a
leg might be bearable, but if it marred his son’s cheer, Gerard knew
that he would hate himself forever.

	“Eli, what would you have me do?” Gerard asked again.  He could only
hear the murmurings of his own heart, though.  He had to keep his leg,
even at the cost of what money they had.  When he was back on his feet
he could earn the money back.  He would even stoop so low as to ask
help from a local merchant at a hefty rate of interest.  Still, he
could not hear Eli’s guidance in that idea, and he hated himself for
it.  Was he drowning out Eli’s still, small voice with his own
thoughts?  What did He want?  Why did He not speak louder?

	“Papa?”

	Gerard turned to see his youngest, propping the door open carefully,
but leaning so far that he nearly fell into the room.  Gerard smiled
as well as he could, although he knew the tears had left streaks
through his fur.

	“Hey, bud,” Gerard replied quietly.  His voice nearly cracked just
saying that, but he wanted to stay positive for his son.

	“Mommy had cry-marks on her face; did something bad happen?”

	Gerard motioned to his youngest to enter the room, and the boy
followed the gesture, eagerly climbing up to sit beside his father on
the bed.  He clasped Gerard’s arm between the two of his, hugging it
eagerly.  He had never seen the deer as anything but a father, even in
those few times when Gerard had practiced his animal form in case he
needed it during a patrol.  If he ever saw a deer in the wild, Gerard
half expected that he would laugh and run off to try to play tag with
it.

	“Are you sick, Papa?” the boy inquired.

	Gerard nodded halfheartedly.  “My leg is sick, yes,” he explained as
simply as he could.  He could not keep the forlorn tone from his
voice, but Peter didn’t seem to mind.

	“Mama can’t kiss it better?”

	Gerard managed a half-hearted chuckle.  “No, mama can’t make this go
away by herself.”

	The young boy was quiet for a while, but he continued to hug Gerard’s
arm gently.  He finally spoke again a few moments later.  “Will the
healer have to make your leg go away?”

	Gerard coughed to hide the sobs that wanted to escape.  “I don’t
know.  The doctor doesn’t know.  He might be able to make it better,
but he might have to make it go away.”

	“Did you ask Eli?”

	The simple question made Gerard want to pull away and storm off, but
the irony was that his crippled leg prevented him from doing this.  He
let his hurt fade for a few moments before speaking.  “Eli isn’t
answering me right now,” he said simply.

	Peter looked hurt for a moment, as though the concept that Eli might
not be answering was altogether foreign to him, but he seemed to shrug
it off after a moment, and looked back towards the window with his
father.  He didn’t seem to want to leave it at that, however.  “Eli,
can you help my Papa’s leg be better?” he asked quietly.  Gerard
managed to choke back the tears that wanted to come.  He raised his
left hand to his mouth, letting it slide smoothly to a more hooflike
form, and setting his teeth against it to keep the desperate cries
from ringing out aloud.

	And then Peter spoke again.

	“Eli wants you to let the doctor make your leg go away,” he said
quietly.  His grip of his father’s arm never wavered, and his eyes
didn’t stray from the window, but the words spoke stung like a spear’s
tip in Gerard’s heart.

	He lowered his left hand from his mouth, no longer caring if his son
heard him cry.  “What?”

	“He wants you to give up your leg.  He told my heart; isn’t that how
he talks to us?”

	Gerard was speechless, looking up at the ceiling, seeking some way of
expressing the feelings that cascaded through him.  His mind was far
too clouded, though; it was all he could do to keep from sobbing
openly.

	Peter turned to look at him, hugging the arm tighter when he saw the
fresh tears spilling from his father’s eyes.  “Don’t cry, papa,” he
begged quietly.  “I love you, not your leg.”

	Gerard was caught off guard.  It took him some time to grasp exactly
what his son had just said.  Once he understood it, though, he wrapped
the boy in the strongest embrace he had ever given, sobbing freely as
the boy returned it as well as his shorter arms could manage.  Gerard
tried to choke out a reply, but he couldn’t say anything.  His son had
humbled him with his simple faith.  What could he say in reply?

	Peter said nothing as he returned the hug.  The position couldn’t
have been comfortable for him, with his father folding him so tightly
that it was a wonder the child could breathe.  He bore this without
complaint however, somehow well aware of the fact that his father
needed him then.  He did nothing to push him away.

	The embrace only ended several minutes later, and Gerard managed to
smile a bit at his son.  “I love you too, son,” he said quietly.  He
ran his rough fingers through his son’s hair, chuffing a chuckle that
showed some relief, but also betrayed the pain he still felt.  “Could
you go tell mama that papa would like to see her?” he asked.  Peter
nodded urgently and jumped down to perform the task quickly.

	“Peter?”

	“Yes, papa?” the young boy asked, turning before leaving the room.

	“Thank you.”

	His son said nothing, instead just smiling and leaving the room to
complete his task.

	Gerard stared at the ceiling for a few moments, trying to think of
the words he should say.  “Eli, I’ve been so wrong,” he whispered.  “I
was too focused on what I wanted to happen to let myself hear you.
Thank you for giving me a son who can so innocently rebuke me.”  He
choked back a sob before he could continue.  “Lord, I do not know what
you would have of me, or how you would have me live with only one leg,
but I believe that you will provide for my family.  Please, give me
the faith that my son has shown to me.  Give me strength, Eli…”

	When Amber entered the room to see what Gerard wanted, she found that
he had managed to bring himself to a kneeling position.  She placed a
small hand on his shoulder, but she could tell that he had passed
through the worst.  Whatever came next, they would all face it
together, as a family.  Together, and with Eli’s help, they would find
a way through.

!DSPAM:4f2766f6211434762410383!