[Mkguild] Trust I

[Jack Moore]

AN: I just made a big announcement today and am beginning a big change. So to say I'm afraid is an understatement. I desperately need a criticism on this story and people to help me. I don't know I've ever been so afraid.
Trust
 To My Friend in the North 
 Yes I know the last letter didn't make me sound good but it wasn't supposed to. It's something I suspect Eli and I will discuss when I meet Him. The crushing of the Host is something I still regret, but there is no way for me to undo it. It was how I acted and I can't undo it.
 And it is a sign of Eli's eternal mercy that the first time I steped in to the Keep chapel that Yahshua didn't come off the cross and beat me. I deserved it. And Nemo had every right to be mad at me.
 Patric especially, though. I wanted to apologize to him almost right away but it was two weeks before I saw him again. In that time I managed to annoy two people. The first was Sir Egland, the second...a very well known vulpine.
 I want to discuss neither of these incidents but I have to. I might as well start with the first, the time I met Sir Egland. He talked to me, challenged me and then I vomited on him.
 Admit it that interests you. I'll explain as it goes on. 
 May Eli bless this venture as I continue.
*
March 28th, 707
 The sun slipped into my room from a small window above my bed. I couldn't remember if the window had been there yesterday, but it was now. It gave me some badly needed light but it also brought in the cold air.
 My tail ached badly even though I was no longer sitting on it. The tip dragged the ground, so I had to either walk with it up or endure. 
 What do I do with this damn thing? I sat on the edge of my bed with my tail pulled onto my lap. If I don't drag it, it sticks up. At least when I wear the sarong I don't have to see it.
 "What do you think?" I asked the figure sharing my bed. "Do you like your tail?" The little rat from before looked up and squeaked. It went back to nibbling on the small piece of wood that I gave him. "About what I figured."
 "Nemo wants me to find a job. He says we'll need employment; I don't need that I've got a job. I'm the son of a Lord; I'm gong to be a Lord." It's amazing how hard you can hold on to things you know aren't true.
 "What do I even do?" I began to wrap fabric around my feet. "I'm good at being the son of a Lord, it takes a lot of training to do that! I don't want to do anything else!" Now came the leather straps, wrapped around the fabric to hold it in place.
 "I don't like this place." I tied the straps together. "These people...they're insane. Who wants to be an animal monster thing? I just...How can they go on like this?" My memories returned to Patric, carrying his Eucharistic Dove. Despite being a green monster, he went on like this was normal. "How can they be happy like this? Their lives are over..."
 Patric's life went on. Nemo is being cursed and his life is going on. It's only you, no one else. I tried to push the voice out. Instead it screamed back. You can't just hide inside this room!
 "Yeah wait and see." I tied my other foot up. "Perfect!" My feet were wrapped in linens, held in place by crisscrossing leather straps. They had grown to twice their previous length. Tying them up caused my new claws to rub against my toes.
 "What do you think?" I asked my rodent friend. He took one look and curled into a ball. I rolled my eyes. "Be completely honest, don't hold anything back." I wrapped my skirt around me, trying still to hide my tail. This despite its increased length. I might as well have been trying to hide it with air.
 "There." I secured my skirt and pulled on my falconry glove. My other hand had no glove but did have new claws. This I hid with a new shirt, one featuring two extremely long sleeves. It was an ugly shade of mud-red but it hid my body. "Alright and...these" I sighed, "These ugly things." I felt along my neck at seven spines hiding just under the skin. One came out under my chin and the other six spread out from them. "Why do I have these? What fucking reptile has these?"
 A crystal figure with a big neck holding a stick. You found yourself. I shook my head. "I haven't found shit. I...I need to get home. I need out of this room." Their was no decoration in my room, or much of anything. Nemo had acquired a sewing kit for me, that lay under my bed. Otherwise it was an empty tomb.
 "This still doesn't feel real..." I had purchased a scarf yesterday, during a very brief excursion to the Market Square.  I felt calmer wrapping this aba around my neck since it hid the spines. Now only my head was uncovered. 
 "My hairline is receding." I felt along the top of my skull. Yep, it was vanishing and fast. My eyebrows had already disappeared. This curse had taken my home, my way of life, my title and now my hair. 
 Truly its evil knew no bounds.
 "I don't want to go out there today." I fell onto my bed and leapt up again, "Yow!" Forgot about the tail. This time I pulled it onto my lap before sitting down. My rat friend hopped up and sniffed at me quickly. "I scared you with the screech didn't I?"
 "Squeee!"
 "Sorry, sorry. Still getting used to...all of this." I flexed my feet and the claws on my toes tore t the linen wrap. "Damn it. Why do I have to be here?" Because they'll murder you and hang your body if you leave the Keep and go back home.
 "Know what I want to do?" The rat cocked his little head. "I'd like to go hawking today." I grinned. "There's nothing quite like a day spent with your hawk. My current one is Ulysses.
 "He's this...red-tailed hawk I've had for almost two years. He uh...he's great. Just watching him fly" I shook my head, "I could do it all day. I swear."
 Hawking is the greatest of all the pastimes. Hunting with arrows is a bloody, violent past time I despise. I've never liked killing, but when hawking at least the hawk can get a meal out of this.
 When you're hawking you are free. In the field, the wind blowing through your hair and the hawk screeching as it circles above you, you are at peace. You can forget your father's obsessive grooming you to take over for him, your place in an Empire you don't know.
 "I don't think Duke what's his name even knows how to go hawking." I said. "Who is running this place?" I scratched my head. "Nemo said he was a horse...nope don't remember.
 "How can Duke Clip-Clop be a ruler and not enjoy hawking? It's insane." Not as insane as was calling him Duke Clip-Clop to his face. 
Which I did. 
But not for a few months.
"I need out of this room." I stretched and stood. "I need a whore very badly. I need a whore, where is the brothel?" I yawned. "God almighty. Think think, think...oh I know where it is!"
Yesterday I had heard someone discussing a business somewhere in Euper. From the name, I knew it had to be a brothel. "It's called the Jolly Collie inn! How can it not be a brothel?"
In my defense, that does sound like the name of a brothel.
"I'll find the brothel and then I'll...maybe I'll fuck a dog girl." I shrugged. "Never done that before. What do you think?" My rat sniffed curiously. I smiled and stroked his fur.
"I'll bring you like a nut or something to eat. Promise." I left him there to gnaw things while I searched for the brothel.
The center room of my new home was empty. The fire was put out and the ashes were piling up. Beside the fireplace two glaives rested: Qual and mine. Mine was a dull iron blade mounted on a shaft of oak.
Qual was magnificent. A two-pronged silver blade, reminding me of the face of the moon. The shaft was unlined, unblemished and utterly perfect. When you looked at it, no matter how long you did, you couldn't see how the blade and shaft connected. Obviously they did but your eyes...just kind of slid off.
 I touched the shaft. It was warm, almost pulsating beneath my touch. I looked then at my glaive next to it. The shaft was splintering, the blade was wedged on and the blade itself was dented and dusty. I lifted it up.
"At least I can use this." I swung my weapon, letting it move across my fingers. The blade of my glaive was sharp and the weapon was balanced for me. I sat it back down and put one hand on Qual.
"A runic weapon...what I wouldn't give..." I closed my eyes and imagined that Qual was mine. Perfect weight, perfect fit and able to spin without hitting myself. "Gods in heaven yes..."
I'd stand before all of the Keep, above them all holding Qual over my head. The invading armies would come and I'd fight them off. Because I was just that good! In my own fantasies!It's my fantasy; I'm allowed to be a god among men if I want.
"Then after I fight off the army...what of? Luten? Good as anything else, I can go back to Isenport." I sunk against the wall. "Then they'll name me Emperor and the best dressed human ever. And not a lizard." I sighed.
"I need to train more. Where can I train...not in this place." The city as it was cramped and full of people, I couldn't go around swinging a blade. "I'll have to leave the walled Keep..." My heart froze in my chest. "Can't do that..."
The Keep was a cage and I a falcon. It confined me but at the same time it protected me. An elyas couldn't be allowed to fly free, they'd die. They also couldn't be contained, they'd go insane.
"Going outside to train won't kill me." I mumbled. "I can be with Nemo, in eyesight of the Keep." Now I had to laugh. "I've been miserable here, now the thought of leaving scares me. I still don't want to be here..." I moaned.
"I wanna go home! I don't want to be in this place. I want my bed again." My head dropped. "I don't know anyone here. I don't belong here, what was Father doing here? Why did this happen to me?" Again I had sat down on my tail but I was so drained that the pain didn't bother me.
"How can I get home?" I glanced around the living room. "I can't live here. This place is a crypt. I need to get back to Isenport."
What would make this place more comfortable? I laughed.
"If it was in Isenport." I shook my head. "I'm never going back am I? It's done; I'm stuck in this place. I'm going to die in a city in an enemy kingdom and I'll never see my home again." Something began to bubble up inside of me. But it wasn't depression.
It was rage.
"I'm never going to get to see home because of that son of a bitch I call my Father who always needs to pull something underhanded." I shook my head. "I'm going to die here while he'll just raise my brother in my place." The anger I had felt when dealing with Patric was back, now it was coming out though.
"Why was that bastard even here? We're meeting with someone? Who do you even know?" I grit my teeth. "I'm going to see the whores, then I'll feel better. I can...I can pay them..." I sighed, "I can pay them to talk to me. I can pay them to not to think I'm a monster."
I pushed myself back up again as Nemo's door popped open. I forced a queasy smile onto my face. "Just woke up, surprised I beat you."
"I was quite exhausted." Nemo said with a yawn. "How are you this fine morning James? Your feet have changed."

"They have not!" He gestured at my linen wraps covering my changed feet. "Well...the floor hurts when it's cold now so I needed something to keep them warm. What would you expect me to do?" Nemo tapped his chin.
"Well you're becoming a lizard-
"I am not!" 
-And as a lizard you will not be able to handle cold temperatures. So this" He gestured at the floor, "needs to change. I'd recommend we go find something, carpeting, thrushes, sand or something else." 
"What on Earth are thrushes?" Nemo sat down at our table and rubbed his eyes. His black hair was slightly pressed down but it actually looked a bit shinier. Not only that but the gray at his temples looked less gray. I sat down beside him, careful to mind my tail. "Something wrong?"
"Actually no. I'm tired but not bad tired. I just feel peculiar." He held up his hands. "My skin is less rugose. I wonder, perhaps a result of this beneficent place?" I rolled my eyes.
"Can't you just say stuff without me wondering what you're talking about?" Nemo shrugged.
"I understand my vocabulary. You would also if you read some. James you were going to be the ruler of a city, you should have read more. You can rectify that."
"I wasn't going to be anything," I snapped, "I'll be the ruler of Isenport. Now shut up." Nemo sighed and yawned again. "So what's for breakfast."
"Right now? Not a thing." 
"What?"
"Nothing. I need to purchase more food for us." Nemo shook his head, trying to wake up. "In fact I'd recommend you explore this Keep, find places we could eat if needed."
"Can't do that." I said. "Busy today, you gotta do that." Nemo raised an eyebrow. "I need money actually, not much. Going to see the whores." I grinned. My caretaker did not.
"James, we have a limited and increasingly shrinking monetary supply. You should not be wasting it on prostitutes." My stomach grumbled in agreement. "This is a city, there is a market somewhere. Go find it."
 "I know where the Market Square is." I grumbled. "I'm not a complete idiot." 
 "I never thought you were." Nemo said. "James, I think you can make this situation work-
 "I don't want to make it work!" I yelled. Nemo closed his eyes. "I've tried making it work and I'm sick of it! I want a whore; I'm going to find a whore!"
 "I think you can make this work. But you have to address your priorities. James, we no longer have limitless money." My stomach dropped. "You'll have to change your lifestyle. You have to budget now."
 "I don't want to budget." I wiped my eyes, trying to keep them dry. "I don't...it's not fair. I'm stuck in a city on the opposite side of the continent, might as well be the opposite side of the fucking world!" Nemo opened his eyes. 
"And it just...it sucks! I can't fix it! I don't want to fucking be here! I want to burn this place, this Keep and my fucking tail!"
 "I didn't know you had grown a tail." I cocked my head.
 "Excuse me?" Nemo smiled.
 "I'd like to see you wear fewer rags. I bet your tail looks magnificent on you." It does look fantastic on me now. Then though it was a fleshy nuisance wrapped in scales, a reminder of my beastly fate.
 "I thought I told you about this..." Nemo shook his head. "Well I did, I've got a fucking tail and no you can't see it. You wanna see, grow one of your own." Nemo sighed.
 "I would be so lucky. I suspect I am not though James." He untied our money bag, at his waste as always, and pulled out a few shiny coins. Silver I believe maybe a few coppers. "James you need to learn to prioritize and I need to know I can trust you. I want to give you this money but I know what you will use it for."
 "Yeah to go see the whores." Nemo just shook his head and pulled out another two coins. "I know you will, no matter what I do. So let me ask you this, if I give you money to pay for a whore will you purchase food for us?"
 "Why can't you do it Nemo?" I whined.
 "Because you need to learn how to do things yourself James." Kind of obvious in hindsight. "I won't be here forever; you have to know how to do simple things like buy your own food or to visit the market." I fell silent at this, his reasoning was sound. Even to an obstreperous elyas such as myself.
 "I can do that..." I mumbled. "I'll get food...stuff I want. Your taste sucks." Ah there's the imbecile I was in my youth, grateful as always for Nemo's help. "I've got a more refined pallet, I'll find something good."
 "You'll have to readjust your pallet while living here James." Nemo said with a sigh. He pushed the coins across the table. "I'm trusting you. Don't disappoint me."
 "Thank you!" I snatched the coins up. "I wont disappoint you, I'll get us fresh cutlets, sweetmeat, veal" Now I was drooling, "Everything we had at the manor. You can cook it right? Doesn't matter, the kitchen staff taught me how to cook, I'll make something great." Nemo just shook his head. "What?"
 "I admire your bravado. One thing I'm going to purchase today is a pot. We might need one."
 "Yeah yeah." I stood up. "Look thanks for the money, I won't disappoint you. Promise."  And I did intend to keep that promise. I really did. Just...things happened.
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