[Mkguild] Enkindled Part 1

[Christof M Bradford]

On 07/13/2016 04:17 PM, bloodonthewinds at aol.com wrote:
> Standing outside the gates of Komley, William Pernese shaded his
> cinnamon colored eyes from a late March sun. The day was calm, making
> the sun feel a little bit hotter, and even at this early time in the
> morning one could feel that it would be a beautiful day. It's too bad
> the eighteen year old man could not enjoy it.
> 
Matty did a pretty good of looking at this story as a whole, so I don't
have much to add to his critique.  There's only one small detail that
leaped out at me, but it does concern an issue that pushes my buttons,
so to speak.

> . . .
> The partially transformed man stared up from his spot on the ground,
> leaning back on his hands with his legs splayed before him, eyeing the
> half-human half-serpent. It seemed to be doing the very same thing.
> 
> “What?” He asked, intelligently, his voice a rasping croak from disuse.
> 
> “What?” The snake lowers its arms, seemingly confused. Fourteen feet
> long from nose to blunt tail, it was mostly covered in small tightly
> packed brown scales the color of milk chocolate, with its broad
> under-scales a light creamy yellow. It wore a skirt-like dark orange
> cloth around its middle where the waist would be on a person with a
> single strap holding it up over one shoulder. Strapped around the top of
> the garment was a medium sized pack resting against its spine.
> 
I feel the need to point out an anatomical error here.  Snakes are not
almost all tail, they are almost all torso.  Psylaphen is not protecting
his modesty here, since his vent is located way down the length of his
body, about a foot or so from the tip of his tail.  My best guess is
that he wears the skirt to soothe the sensibilities of milk-su. . .
(*ahem* Forgive me there, a crocodile friend of mine had brief access to
the keyboard.)  I believe that the skirt is worn where it's not actually
needed out of respect to mammals and where they would expect intimate
features of one's anatomy to be located.



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