[Mkguild] The Illusive Chain (12/?) - my coimments

[cokane8116 at aol.com]

Loislooked around the room uncertainly once he had been left alone withBalrog.  He seemed to immediately regrethis decision to speak privately with the large man, and was looking around theroom as though to find some sort of escape. Unfortunately, with just the bed and the side table in the room apartfrom the walls, there was no escape to be found.  Not even a wardrobe stood in the room to givehim a potential place to escape.
 
Fortunately,the man revealed no ill intentions in the absence of the others.  He looked concerned, perhaps, but it seemedto genuinely be concern for the ermine and not that he might be found out forsome duplicity.
 
 “Do you really not know me, Lois?” he asked.
 
Theermine shook his head, keeping his eyes on the man to both be certain that hedid not have any ill intentions and to see if any small nuance of Balrog’sactions triggered some hidden memory. Unfortunately, there was no such development.
 
“I’msorry, but I can only recall ever having met you in passing.”  He winced. “To be honest, the same is true of almost everyone I have seen to thispoint, if I recall them at all.”
 
“Soyou recall names and nothing more.”  Loissighed, nodding although continuing to avoid eye contact.  “Have there been any exceptions?  Anyone you recognized since you regainedconsciousness?”
 
“Iremembered Lucy,” Lois admitted.  “I’mnot certain why her in particular. Perhaps it was because I was looking for a mage, and some part of merecalled that she was one.”  The erminesighed.  “A theory and nothing more…  I know of no reliable way that might allow meto make progress regaining my memory.”
 
“Startwith what you do remember,” Balrog suggested.
 


>>>>That is a good place to start!











Theother man snorted derisively.  “That’smuch the same as what Lucy suggested. Would you like to see how much progress that helped me make?”
 
Hetook a small notebook from the bed where he had left it, leafing through itspages until he reached one that was not filled by Lucy’s indecipherablescript.  This one instead had only a fewwords scrawled at the top, and nothing underneath.
 
“’Whois Vincent Lois?’” Balrog read from the page. He turned a few pages back and forth. “Nothing else?”
 


>>>A good question







Loisshook his head bitterly.  “Since she leftme here alone with that book I’ve been trying to think of anything I mightpossibly be able to write.  That I am aman, who for some reason is as much animal as he is human?  Perhaps more if you talk to some…”  He trailed of and made various frustrated,wordless gestures in the direction of the connecting hallway.
 


>>>>>Perhaps he doesn't want to remember who he is.









“Thoseare all things that anyone can see,” Balrog noted, ignoring the anger in theermine’s bearing.
 
“Exactlywhy I did not write them down.”  Theermine paced a few more steps across the front of the bed.  “Beyond what everyone can see, I know nothingabout myself!  At least nothing worth thewriting.”
 
Balrognodded slowly, thinking to himself.  “Whydid you write ‘who is Vincent Lois?’  Whynot ‘who am I?’ or something to that effect?”
 
Loistook a breath.  “I know it may sound odd,but I did not even realize that Lucy was talking to me when she first called meby that name,” he answered.  “Even now,even though I know that it is my name, and that I should answer to it, Icontinue to have a nagging feeling that it belongs to someone else.”
 
Balrogtook only a few moments to consider before he shook his head indisagreement.  “I first met you severalyears ago; it couldn’t be less than five, I don’t think.  You called yourself Vincent Lois then and youstill call yourself by that name here at the Keep.  Either that is your name, or you have beenusing the same alias for a truly unfathomable length of time.”
 
Loisshrugged.  “With what I know of myself,that might very well be the case,” he said bitterly.
 
Balrogshook his head.  “I know that you must befrustrated, but you need to focus on what you know for certain, not wildtheories that have no root in reality.” He watched as Lois sat on the edge of the bed, nodding in a detachedfashion.  He realized with some chagrinthat Alex and Lucy had not been wrong about their assessment of Lois’state.  While he was human in size andspeech, many subtle mannerisms combined with sharper facial features and alonger neck made the former assassin seem much closer to an animal than he hadbeen prior to the events of the previous days. He wondered if perhaps the loss of memory was related to this fact, buthe quickly realized that it mattered little regardless.  He had no idea why either of the two issueswas present.
 
“Doyou mind if I take a look at your Curse?” he asked.
 


>>>> OK. that sounds kinky ;)









Theermine shook his head.  “If you believethat it may be of some use, I see no reason why not.  As I recall, however, no mage has been ableto overturn the Curse despite nearly ten years’ worth of attempts by every magethe Keep can offer.”
 
“Atleast you remember that,” Balrog said with a friendly smile.
 
“Ibelieve I am owed a few such strokes of good fortune,” Lois replied drily.
 
Balroggave a soft chuckle in support of his friend, letting his gaze shift once againto look at the intertwining lines of magic that determined his friend’sform.  The ermine stood still to permitthe inspection, but it mattered little. Although he had not lived in Metamor for long himself, the lutin hadspent some time curiously dwelling on the intricacies of the Keep’s infamousenchantment since that time.  Despitethis, his opinion remained unchanged between this and his previous inspectionof Lois’ form.  There was nothing in themagic that seemed to differ in any significant way from the norm.  Even the minute adjustment that they had madeto restore him from his feral shape remained unaltered since that time.
 
“Ifit is any comfort, there is nothing wrong with your Curse,” he said, returninghis vision to the material world.
 


>>>> OK. So the curse is all right?







“Unfortunately,that also means that you have no idea why I should be without my memory, or whyI should be more animal than man.” Balrog conceded his point with a grimace, and Lois nodded withresignation.  “I suppose a magic cure foreither affliction would be too convenient to expect.”
 
“Sometimeswe just have to do things the hard way,” Balrog confirmed.
 
Loisscoffed and shook his head.  “You soundso certain that there is a way,” he groused.
 
Balrogsmiled.  “Someone once told me, ‘youmight have to clear some underbrush before you find it, but there is always away.’”
 
“Isaid that, didn’t I?” the ermine asked quietly. His forehead wrinkled in consternation, and he paced around in a circlefor a few steps.  Balrog left him toconsider the question for a few moments, heeding Lucy’s counsel to try to letLois make his own connections as he regained his memory.
 
“Irecall… a patrol?  We were sittingoutside of a tent discussing… some business or other, the details I cannotrecall.  I do remember saying that,however.  You still weren’t convinced.”
 
 
 Balrog chuckled.  “See, you can remember!  Now, it wasn’t exactly on patrol, but theconfusion is understandable.”  The ermineraised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest, awaiting anexplanation.  “This happened severalyears before either of us came to Metamor permanently.  We were in the field, yes, but not on apatrol as such.”
 
Loissquinted as he thought, as though doing so would help him think.  “I remember having been human, though Isuppose the fact remains that I could not remember being an ermine when I firstregained consciousness.  Still, whatlittle memory I have seems to focus on this Keep.”  He shrugged. “There are bits and pieces of other memories, but everything else isindistinct, at best.”
 
Balrognodded sympathetically.  “It may takesome time before you are able to recover your memory to anyone’s satisfaction,but the rest of us are frankly quite relieved that you will have theopportunity to do so.  These fetishstones that our enemies are using are devious creations.  There was no certainty that you would everrecover your humanoid form.  That you didin so brief a period is a wonder.”
 
Loisnodded slowly, but he looked distracted. Finally, turning towards Balrog, he arched an eyebrow.  “Why haven’t you changed?”
 
Balrogblinked in surprise.  “What?”
 
“Ifthat night occurred before either of us came to Metamor, then neither of usshould have been Cursed.  I recall beinghuman, although only just.  You, however,I never recall being anything but a man. Why haven’t you been changed by the Curse?”
 
Balroggave a small smirk.  “Ah, that is asecret that we agreed we would never reveal. Perhaps you will recall, however, if I give you a small hint.”  With a small force of will, Balrog alteredthe illusion around his body so that just his ear reverted slightly to itstrue, pointed form.  Lois did not noticefor a few moments, until Balrog subtly gestured towards his ear.  It still took a moment, but a look of dawningrevelation appeared on Lois’ face.
 
“You’rea...!”
 
“Ah!”  Balrog wagged a finger reprovingly as heallowed the illusion to return to full force. “Remember, it’s a secret.”
 


>>>A dangerous secret!







Loisstopped when asked, clearly needing some time to come to terms with therealization.  Finally, he spoke, thoughslowly.  “I remember discovering that,”he said quietly.  A little hope could beheard in his voice, though it remained uncertain.  “I didn’t tell anyone else; you were one ofthe best mages I had ever worked with, and I considered you a friend.”  He looked up at the stocky man.  “Do the others know?”
 
“Ifby the others you mean the Keep at large, no. Your patrol does, as does mine,but besides that I suspect only the Keep’s intelligence community is privy tomy secret.”  He shrugged.  “It’s just as well for me.  Some might understand, but Keepers have everhad a hostile relationship with lutins, and not without reason. I could notblame those who found it difficult to forgive and forget if I told them what Iwas.”
 
Loisnodded.  “The ones who do know haven’tgiven you any trouble yet?”
 
Balrogshook his head.  “So far they have beentremendously calm about it.  I suspectthat part of that was simply due to the fact that I am a mage with someknowledge of the Curse, but I doubt that this fact accounts for their lack ofhostility entirely.  I am grateful thatAlex at least seems to be fully willing to respect the Keep’s recent diplomacyattempts with my people.”
 
“Alex…”  The ermine turned his eyes again towards anearby wall before returning them to Balrog’s face.  “My commander; he’s the lynx, isn’t thatright?”
 
Balrognodded, smiling broadly.  “See? You areremembering things very quickly!”
 
Loisscoffed quietly.  “I am rememberingfragments, names and the people to whom they belong are nothing.  I remember only a few specific events, yourrevelation being the most familiar. Beyond that, there is a decades-long gap where my memories shouldbe.”  He sighed.  “I hate to sound so desperate, but my mindjust feels like a yawning void.  If mymemories do not return, and soon, I feel like I will go mad!”
 
“Iunderstand, Lois.”  Balrog carefullystepped forward, making certain that Lois did not feel threatened by hisapproach.  The ermine did not react, andso the larger man gently laid a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder.  He could feel the man’s muscles tenseerratically when he felt the contact of the disguised lutin’s hand, but Loismade no attempt to dislodge it, and a few moments sufficed for him to calmenough to relax again.
 
 “Thank you,” the ermine said, sounding clearlyshaken even as he tried to get ahold of himself.  He shook his head.  “I suppose you would like to know why I wasso angered by Lucy and Alex mentioning how much I looked like an animal?” heasked.
 
Thelutin removed his hand from his friend’s shoulder and shrugged broadly.  “I thought the reaction was reasonable giventhe circumstances.”
 
Loisnodded.  “None of you were aware of thefull extent of the circumstances, however,” he noted.  Taking Balrog’s silence as a cue to continue,Lois said, “After Lucy left me here to look for you, I sat down and tried towrite what I could remember in the notebook. As I tried to collect my memories, however, the only ones that wereclear enough to give me a trail to follow were my memories of the moments afterthis… fetish spell, I think you called it?” Balrog nodded and Lois continued. “I could only recall the moments after the fetish spell had affected me. It was something at least; I remembereda few moments of humanity, perhaps I could trace it back to discover more aboutmy past.
 
“Asit turned out, however, the only clear memories of those moments were the onesduring and immediately following the spell’s effects.  As I recalled the moments when I was forcedfrom man to animal, I found myself shrinking here, in this room, my formchanging much as it had then.”
 
Balrogwinced.  “That is a function of theCurse, I am afraid,” the lutin said, his voice consoling.  “An animal-Cursed Keeper is able to assumethe form of that animal completely.  Ihave not had that experience myself, but I hear that visualizing the change isthe easiest way to trigger it.”
 
Theermine nodded.  He sat back down on theedge of the bed as he continued his story. “I thought that whatever spell you had devised to rescue me had failed,and I soon found myself standing on four paws, trembling as I stepped out fromunder this robe.  I was an animal, trulyand thoroughly, and every moment I was terrified that the magic would exert itsfull force once more and rob me of my mind. I braced my will against that thought, and after a few moments ofretaining my mind, I grew bold enough to try to will myself back to humanform.”
 
“Itis good to see you succeeded.”
 
“Ihad only just regained my current form a few moments before you arrived.  The thought of it made their inspectionsting, even if their words were true.” He looked up at the lutin.  Hebarely remembered the man, yet for some reason he felt safe confiding in himwith his most troubling secrets.  “It isa comfort to know that such a change is normal in the Keep, at least.”
 
Balrognodded, running fingers through his beard as he considered.  “Have you tried willing yourself to be morehuman than you currently are?” he asked after a moment’s pause.
 
Loisnodded.  “I did everything I could tochange myself back.  To be honest,however…”  He stopped, and then shook hishead with a forlorn sigh.  “To be honest,I cannot even remember what I should look like as a human.”  He looked up at the lutin, the deep blue ofhis eyes almost mesmerizing.  “When Ifirst awoke in this room I was surprised and mortified to find myself turnedinto an ermine, but now it is the only form I can recall even in part!”
 
Balrogfrowned.  “Are you certain?”  When the ermine nodded, the lutin arched aneyebrow and twirled one of the forks of his braided beard around his finger.  “How could a man so thoroughly forget hislife, even so far as forgetting what he looked like?” he mused to himself.
 
“Iwish I could tell,” the mustelid replied. “I fought the Curse for whatever headway it would give, and the onlyreason I stopped was because I could think of no further ground I couldpossibly gain.”
 
Balrognodded slowly.  He hesitated for amoment, but finally he did sit down beside the troubled ermine.  He turned and looked at his friend, eventhough Lois would barely lift his eyes to match his gaze.
 
“TheCurse has troubled Keepers for nearly ten years now, and there’s not a man orwoman among the defenders that doesn’t wish that things could be differentsomehow,” he spoke softly.  “At the sametime, it doesn’t have to be a death sentence. It does not change who you are, not matter how much it changes yourappearance.  Understand, when Lucy andAlex were speaking of you having the proportions of an animal, they were doingit out of concern for you.  They bothhave to deal with their own Curse as well, and it was due to their efforts thatyou have recovered your mind at all. They understand how it feels to question yourself because of how you’vechanged.”
 
Loisnodded.  “I know.  I do not believe that they meant any harm,but I barely even recall who I was, and I fear that the void will be filledwith the animal.”
 
Balrognodded his understanding.  “If it is anycomfort, there has never been a Keeper who has suffered such a fate, and Idoubt that it will start with you.”
 
Loisfinally did turn and look at him in the eyes. “Are you sure about that?  If ithad happened to them, how would they have communicated it to anyone else?”
 
Achill ran up the lutin’s spine as he realized that he could not be entirelycertain of his own words.  Fortunately,this realization brought with it a renewed resolve.
 
“Lois,I will not let it happen to you,” he promised.
 
Fora moment, Balrog thought that his friend would press him further on thematter.  After a brief silence, however,Lois nodded and gave a small smile.
 
“Ibelieve you,” he said.  “Perhaps thatmakes me a fool, but I need something to hold onto if I want to keep mysanity.  I trust you.”
 
Balrogsmiled.  “I will not let you down.”
 
Inthe back of his mind, the lutin wondered how he could possibly hope to keepthose promises beyond the possibility of failure.  It did not take him long to resolve thatfailure was not an option he would permit.




>>>That is one determined lutin!







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