[Mkguild] Life I: What Came After - D

[Jack Moore]

Life I: What Came After - D

James - Morning
I needed to head outside. I couldn’t keep sitting in that room. So why was
I doing that? I stood in front of my door, but I couldn’t bring myself to
leave. Reaching for the door made me shake until my skirt unwrapped itself.
'I can’t do this I can’t can’t no wrong wrongpleaseiamalonesaveme' I pulled
the skirt up again. If I go out there they’re going to see through me.
They’re going to know I killed someone and I’m a fucking murderer. No one
is out there. I’m alone.
Nemo said I wasn’t, but Nemo was wrong. I didn’t feel close to Nemo, he was
my idiot bodyguard who stupidly got himself cursed. Beyond him I’d spoken
to six people beyond fighting or generic greetings.
I want you to consider giving up everything. Every aspect of your life, all
of your money and possessions and moving to a completely new city. Not only
that, go from completely sheltered to all alone. Go from the closest you
get to dead bodies are the executioner's block, to actually fucking killing
someone.
You think I’m being repetative? You think I needed to just get over it?
Fuck off. Watch your entire life shatter before you in one month and then
be told you’ve got to fix it all alone. Then see how well you do.
'I can’t but I gotta.' Gently I opened the door, trying to avoid making
noise.
Our kitchen was empty. No Nemo making breakfast with the second hand pot he
had purchased for us. No one at our table and no fire going. It was as cold
here as it had been in my room. 'I need more fire. Can I set a fire in my
room?'
If you don’t have a fireplace, don’t set your room on fire.
I walked over to Nemo’s door and--froze again. I could raise my hand, but I
couldn’t knock. 'Because Nemo will know, he probably already knows. I’m
fucking cursed and he’ll remind me and I don’t want to fucking hear it.'
I turned away. 'Let him find me when he wanted too.' Instead I waited in
that kind of limbo that comes over those overwhelmed by choices. I want to
get out of here. But I don’t have anywhere to go! Where would I go at home?
'To Father’s office so he could do the daily airing of grievances. Then to
whichever one of my tutors was going to make me miserable that day. Then
I’d take my birds out and finally be able to rest. Not an option.' So what
did I want to do? Whores, I want to see the whores.
“Yeah but I don’t know where they are.” I mumbled. “I’m a fucking moron.
I’ve been here a month and I know no one. Why didn’t I do what Nemo said?”
Why can’t I feel better? Afraid there are no easy questions to that one. I
shook my head.
“I’m alone and I’m going to be alone out there and I can’t I can’t no no
no.” I rubbing my head. “I want Nemo, but he’s asleep.” But not everyone I
knew was asleep.
“Squee!” I glanced down. Clawing at the hem of my dress was that little
rat. I crouched down as low as I could get, so I could get a better look at
him. The little rat sniffed at my face.
“I’m glad to see you.” I said, before I scooped up the little fuzzball. “I
bet you’ve never been outside of this apartment have you?” The rat rubbed
his nose in his paws. “Well, would you like to take a trip?”
“Squeak!” He nibbled by sleeves. I don’t know, but I heard “Sure” in there.
Either way I was elated. My shirt had a fairly large pocket on it, which I
deposited the rat into. He squirmed until his head and little paws peaked
over the edge. He’s so cute in there.'
“Ready to go?”
“Squeak!” I nodded.
“Then let’s…” I paused. 'I’ve been in Metamor Keep but I’ve not...seen it.
I’ve been so scared of it. I need to see it. And I need to give this little
guy a name.'

One name came to mind. The name of my first harris, the first bird I ever
came.
“Your name is Florizel.” I whispered. “For the first time let’s not be
afraid. Let’s actually see Metamor Keep.”
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