Over the next few days, the heavy rain kept me inside mostly. I spent the time fretting about the effects of my new curse and distracting myself by studying my newly acquired books that had led me to Metamor in the first place. Despite the rain I managed to go back to Elaine's shop and pick up the rest of my clothing, bribe Pascal with the rigged bet, and drum up my first customer for my soon to open shop. Elaine was very nice when I dropped by and even offered me a few muffins from her first batch that she had botched with the recipe I'd given her the other day. They still tasted fine she claimed, the color had just leaked out of the blueberries somehow. However when I tried to eat one back at the keep, I found myself abruptly tackled by that fox Virmir from the other day. Apparently he figured the blue muffins had something in common with the RED muffins pascal had tried to get him to eat the other day and he thought I had been responsible. I explained the situation to him and he seemed a bit disgruntled that he had been mistaken. Still, he seemed interested enough when I mentioned my magical trinket business and asked me to make him one for someone on his patrol whose warmth charm was perpetually running out of energy. He sounded fairly annoyed as he described how often he had to recharge the thing and I was left wondering if the fellow was ever NOT in a gruff mood. I offered him one of my muffins as a courtesy, but he must have still been suspicious and refused. In his own words, “If you insist on risking your own hide that's your business, but I'm not touching that thing.” When I met up with Pascal and told her about how I 'rigged' her bet with Vincent, she thought it was quite a laugh and I got her to promise that if he didn't figure out Virmir hadn't actually fallen for it (she would claim he managed to fix his fur pretty quickly), then she would share the results of her research on my color-changing fur and a solution with me if she found one. And so three days later, with all of my problems but my curse resolved by now, I found myself outside in the courtyard, up a tree while contemplating my situation. “Can I help you?” a voice rang out suddenly. I started, looking around. There was no one here. I had checked when I first climbed up here, and no one had come in since then. There was still no one here and I tilted my head, confused. It didn’t sound like one of the voices, and I wasn’t prone to hearing OTHER voices that didn’t exist. I shrugged, maybe I was dreaming, or maybe I had recently gone crazy after all. Either way, I decided to humor this person, whether they existed or not. I considered my reply and then said somewhat dryly, “I don’t know, how good are you at therapy?” A brief pause accompanied by a sense of consideration followed before, “Philosophy is my strong point, not psychology, but I can certainly try. What seems to be your problem?” I thought about it for a moment and decided to talk it out. Worst that could happen was that this voice couldn’t help, and maybe saying it out loud would give me some insight into it. I sighed, and started talking, explaining my childhood curse, how it got me stuck here, and what happened to me because of my new curse, finishing with the dilemma last night, “My mind is my last sanctuary, if it’s changed, I won’t be me anymore, I’ll be dead, and someone else will live on...” “It can be much worse. Take it from me, I got turned into a tree.” I looked down in surprise and realization. “You!?” I exclaimed, pointing at the tree I was sitting in, a silly looking action I admit, but the tree didn’t seem to care. I heard a chuckle. “Yes, me. I take it you’ve not heard of Laracin?” Laracin... that name sounded familiar and I realized that I HAD heard of him, but like Misha, I’d never actually met him. I considered it a moment. “Actually I have... I’ve always wondered about you. Why can’t you move?” Laracin paused a moment as if wondering how best to explain himself. “Well.... I’m a tree. Trees don’t move. I thought that was obvious...” He said it gently, and I got the sense that he was trying not to sound insulting. I let out a short laugh which sounded kind of like a bark. “That’s not what I meant.” I said, “I mean, why are you always a tree? If everyone else can take a humanoid form, why can’t you?” I felt the tree sigh as it replied, “Ever see a half plant, half animal? It just wouldn’t work. I’ve tried being human again, it just doesn’t work.” I snorted, “Ever see a half human, half animal before three gates? Ever see a foxtaur or something similar? Why do certain people end up more animalistic than others? One wolf morph will have hair and feet while another might have paws and no color vision.” I paused to let that sink in before continuing, “The curse isn’t predictable and it isn’t really as smart as people give it credit for. It’s very powerful, but all it does is pick animal, gender, or child and then tries to make you into that. The counter curse is equally simple… it keeps you in your original form. When the two hit each other they battle back and forth settling on leaving the cursed halfway. But from what I understand, the combination STILL isn’t all that smart. It doesn’t know what ‘halfway’ is, so it asks the person getting cursed, even if they don’t realize it. I think it models itself a LOT off how you see it. The color blind wolf expects himself to become colorblind, just like you expect yourself to be stuck as a tree. It sets the rules that you will resemble a certain thing and lets you know what that thing is. It won’t let you stay human, but somewhere in your subconscious you’ll get an impression of what you expect to happen, and the curse uses that as a model. Maybe it’s not what you expect to happen to you, but it’s what you think a half whatever IS. The gender curse and age regression is easy to visualize, everyone has the same impression about that, but the morphic curse is more confusing. Victims are left part human, and part something completely different. The curse isn’t complex enough to figure that out for you, and most people have different views on it. The curse asks a question, ‘what is a half animal?’ and the victims are stuck answering it in the depths of their mind. How much remains human, what those things are, whether it affects their mind at all, the person doesn’t realize they’re making these choices, but at some deep level they are, and the curse makes it happen. Taurs exist for the same reason. It’s nothing more than a different way of thinking of what a half animal is and once the person realizes that, they can assume the form. For most people the decision to be made is what a half animal would look like, for you it was what a half tree would be, but you don’t know what that is. To you, there is no such thing, and you got stuck as a full tree instead. If you can figure it out now, you should be able to take that new form, just like the taurs. It’s all a matter of perspective.” Over the course of my tirade, I had gotten louder and more affirmative until I finished with a thump of my fist on a nearby branch. I then leaned back in the branches with a final nod to myself, waiting for Laracin to reply. He was a silent for a while, so I guess I had given him something to think about. Good to know I could help someone else, even if I couldn’t help myself. I sighed, about to get up when Laracin spoke again, “It seems to me... that you’ve answered your own dilemma.” I blinked, rather confused. “I’m not sure I follow...” “Right there at the end, you said ‘It’s all a matter of perspective.’” “But I was talking about the curse itself. I suppose it’s possible to get myself to reevaluate my opinion about what a half animal is to be one that doesn’t include the mental changes I apparently think it does, but it’s one thing to add another idea, and a completely different one to change one already set in place.” “Apparently think?” “Yeah, I wouldn’t have thought that I think there are mental changes with this if it weren’t for my experiences so far. The curse isn’t supposed to do anything about that!” “Well what makes you think there are?” “Everything I’ve done! I haven’t been agoraphobic since I was 15!” “But all those things you mentioned earlier... they were all related to being a child. You’ve not had any mental changes towards being a fox. I think you’re acting like you used to as a child, but that’s more psychological than anything else. You are physically 13, so you expect that you’ll act 13 too. It obviously doesn’t always hold as you’re having a very reasonable conversation of a maturity level far beyond what your 13 year old self would be capable of. You’re still you, you just act slightly different in a way you used to when you were young.” I rolled my eyes, something I hadn’t known I could even still do until then. I didn’t really want to come out and say it, but I forced myself to anyway, “That would make a lot of sense... IF I didn’t have the other differences too. I’ve come to terms with acting like I did years ago, I know that’s still me, after all, everyone grows, and change is a part of that, but this change is different. I shouldn’t be finding myself more comfortable in a .... den.” “How? Is it really as different as you think? You said yourself that you get agoraphobic at night, when you’re smaller it takes a smaller space to fix that. I think you liked that den because it was small, not because you were a fox. Besides, even if you did, aren’t you still you? The difference in mannerism is no bigger than between you being a child instead of an adult. The only difference is that this change, assuming it’s even there, isn’t backwards, it’s forwards. If you search your mind, I think you’ll find that you’re still the same person inside, fox or no. You can still remember everything the same, and what makes you the person you are will still be there.” I paused, completely stunned. He was right, I freaked out because I didn’t consider what was from the fox and what was from the child. And when I thought about it, I realized that ALL of last night was from the child. And anyway, Laracin was STILL right on the other point. I was still me, even if I did have ears that could move and a tail that could wag now. “I...” I trailed off. What was there to say? I had to settle for a smile and saying, “Thank you.” “No don’t thank me. If you’re right about the issue of perspective, than you may have done me a service greater than I could ever do for you. I’ve been stuck here for eight years now, wrestling with myself on whether I’m still human. You have someone worse off than you to tell you you’re over thinking the issue, but I don’t. Never have. And now I have the chance to remove the foundation of the argument against myself. It may take time to figure it out, and I’ll have to overwinter it, but you’ve given me a hope I never expected to have, and for that I thank YOU.” I wasn’t really sure what to say to that actually... I wasn’t used to praise and a comment like that had caught me completely out of the blue. I grinned, starting to climb down. “Well I’m glad we were able to help each other then,” I said brightly, waving and setting off on my way. As I left, I shook my head ruefully, “Therapy from a tree!” I exclaimed with a chuckle as I headed back inside. “Only in Metamor!” With that settled, and myself in a much better mood now, I figured it was past time to actually get around to the reason I had originally come to the keep in the first place. Thus in short order I found myself sitting in a windowsill with stacks of books nearby that were taller than I was. Granted at my current stature this was hardly a feat, but still. My reverie was interrupted by one voice in particular pushing its way to the forefront of my mind. <Yay! Sulky’s back!> Startled, and more than a little confused, I looked up to see a rather tall man walking towards me with his nose buried in a book. He didn’t seem to have noticed me yet and probably didn’t expect anyone to be here. My mage sight showed no threads of the curse running through his body. He couldn’t have been here very long if the curse hadn’t even begun to claim him and I knew from experience that the uncursed visitors of Metamor tended to feel like outsiders, so I decided to let him know I was here with a greeting, “Hi.” I spoke quietly, but in the almost deafening silence of the library I may as well have shouted. The man started and looked up abruptly, freezing in place. Now I KNEW he hadn’t expected anyone to be here. I smiled in amusement at this poor fellow’s expense as the voice from before spoke up again, <Ok, get out now, this is Sulky’s spot!> I blinked, looking askance in a sideways direction at nothing in particular like I tended to do when talking back to voices. “Sulky?” I asked in a mutter. It was true that they liked to describe people in the oddest ways, rarely using names preferring instead to use some defining trait, but this one seemed downright silly. I also had to wonder why this spot was so happy to see someone it described as ‘sulky’. <Yes, this is Sulky’s spot since long time. You go now.> I blinked again looking from... Sulky... to the windowsill and back, realizing that like me, this man must be a repeat visitor to the keep and the library in particular. He probably came here to get away from the citizens of the curse who could sometimes be unwittingly rude and resentful towards outsiders. “Oh sorry, didn’t know this was your spot,” I said, hopping off the sill and putting my own book down on the nearest pile. Then I stared at the various piles wondering for a moment just where they had all come from. It took me a moment to realize that they were all mine and I’d have to put them back now, a task I feared might be more arduous than I had foreseen when pulling them off the shelf. I wasn’t as large or strong as I used to be and hadn’t realized this would make it more difficult to return the books I had picked up one by one in a wild tangent from my original purpose. I sighed, this was a very bad habit of mine when put in a room full of books. All I really had needed was the records from the library the book I sought had come from but instead I had to go cross referencing something silly from the books I already had. In hindsight this particular indiscretion was useful because I got more hints on the fifth book I sought and it was not as if I didn’t have enough time now that I didn’t have to worry about the curse, but it is nonetheless annoying to have something about yourself you are unable to control. In the meanwhile though, the stranger seemed to have recovered and mistaken my sigh for something else, cutting in with a somewhat weak grin and “You got here first, the spot is yours. I can find somewhere else.” The spot in question did not take well to this and wailed like a spoiled child denied a lollipop. <NO! SULKY STAY!> it screamed, continuing with constant complaints that was starting to give me a headache. I shook my head at him stated somewhat wryly, “Don’t worry, I’m pretty much done anyway. Besides, somehow I don’t think I’d get much research done now anyway...”as I started to gather up my books starting with the pile on the left. The man seemed to scowl slightly. “Are you sure or are you just saying that?” This guy must not be one for charity. Or maybe he just didn’t like it when people inconvenience themselves for nothing but the sake of politeness. As I listened to the voice yammer on, I found myself replying with a faint smile, “No, I’m fairly certain I won’t be able to concentrate here at all anymore.” This admittedly strange statement got me a strange look and a question, “Are you feeling all right?” I sighed, slightly exasperated. No matter where I was, people always ended up thinking me a little strange in the best case and in worse ones, down right insane. Instead of glaring at him however, I forced a smile. “No, I’m fine, really,” I replied, picking up the gathered pile and heading back to the tables in the middle to put them back. ‘Sulky’, as I decided to refer to him, picked up one of the other piles and said, “Here, let me help with that.” “Thanks.” I mumbled, setting the books I had on a table, going back for the more. When all the books were on the table I started putting them back one by one, checking the title and finding where it belonged as the strange man sort of stood there awkwardly. After a while he spoke up as I came back to the table for another book (Quazzle’s Ice, the Element of Dreams, a fascinating read for all that it was utter rubbish). “So..... what were you looking for anyway?” I continued walking to return The Quintessence: Is Magic the Fifth Element? by Placko, a historical philosopher. Once it was on the shelf, I came back and replied, “I was trying to find a book but... I sorta got distracted.” I winced to myself on the last part again before grabbing the next book in the pile, Mysteries of Magic by an anonymous author. I suspected that was written by a woman who didn’t want her work to be just ignored, but I had no proof. ‘Sulky’ looked thoughtful for a moment and said, “I’m sorry if I disturbed you.” I shook my head as I studied the spine of A History of the Alexandrian Library. It was the one of the last books I had left and I couldn’t remember for the life of me where I had picked it up. “Wasn’t you. I just starting cross referencing an interesting line of research and... well...” I shrugged, looking up. “Can’t seem to stay on topic very well, the curse of the scholarly.” Seemingly amused, ‘Sulky’ replied, “I don’t know whether to feel privileged or cursed not to have a part in that curse. I have never been scholarly, much less have I had trouble staying on topic.” I snorted. “To tell the truth, I’m not sure whether to be privileged or cursed myself. It gets annoying, but I find out the most interesting things. Nifty tricks I would never have thought of on my own.” “Ah,” he said, and then he seemed to get to the real reason he was talking to me, screwing his courage tightly enough to ask, “By the way... what’s it like?” “What’s what like?” I asked, getting right down to it, placing the book down, leaving it for the librarian. I knew this was why he had stuck around even when I left, but I still wasn’t sure what ‘it’ was. “You know...” he continued, somewhat tongue tied. He pointed at me and finished, “it.” Oh. “Oohhhh.... that’s right, you haven’t been here for more than a week yet.” I paused for a moment to consider the question. “Well, I’m not entirely sure really. I’ve heard it’s different for everyone of course, but for me it’s just a different shape, I don’t even remember changing, I just woke up like this. But I’m still me on the inside.” I smiled, knowing I wouldn’t have been able to say that just this morning, before finishing with, “Maybe it’s cause I used to experiment with shape shifting in my younger days, maybe I’m just in shock, but I can’t say I feel too dismayed at being turned into a …umm… fox.” I shrugged indicating ignorance to the answer. ‘Sulky’ nodded in understanding. “Ah, a mage then.” I nodded back. “An odd one to be sure, but yes. I’m a mage.” He considered a moment before asking carefully, “You... read minds or something?” I paused a moment debating whether or not to tell him too. On my right shoulder sat my memories of all those places that turned against me when they learned what I could do, called me ‘demon’ and how I didn’t want to lose Metamor Keep. On the other shoulder however, sat my experience with people here at the keep and how open minded they are to people who are different from the norm, especially since the curse. If I was going to stay here for long I needed to be able to tell them and trust them not to turn against me as well. But that didn’t mean I had to be stupid about it. There was a slight difference between hearing the past and hearing entities that talk about the past, with the latter more likely to be interpreted as a demon power than the former. I considered it a moment more, head tilted before saying, “Or something anyway... I guess you could call them ‘whispers of the past.’” ‘Sulky’ looked at me curiously. “Whispers of the past? I never knew that that was possible.” “Neither do most people. I wouldn’t believe it myself I weren’t always hearing them.” He looked at me thoughtfully, “Which is why you said you couldn’t concentrate... So it wasn’t me.” I smiled feeling a little lighter for telling the truth. “Nope, that window niche remembers you and was quite vocal about it.” “The niche remembers me?” he asked, chuckling a bit nervously. “First off, I have never known window niches to be very vocal about anything. Secondly, it must have quite a good memory. I haven’t been here in a few years, and I can’t imagine how it can pick me out of all the people that must have occupied it in that time.” I shrugged. “I’m guessing you used it a lot and other people haven’t. They seem to find the oddest things worthy of note.” “Well, I suppose it is true that I used it more than most. That’s probably how I know to find it still,” he replied thoughtfully. I nodded, continuing the explanation with another reason, “They also remember the ‘different’ people, the ones who stand out somehow, I’m actually not that surprised it remembers you.” ‘Sulky’ paused. “Stand out? I’m not sure...” he seemed to abruptly remember what I had first said when meeting him. “Sulky. The niche remembers me as Sulky, right?” I could feel my fur tingeing red again as I nodded. “Umm... yeah...” I was unprepared for the sudden laughter that came pouring out of his mouth. He tried to get himself under control, saying, “If the librarian hears me, it’s curtains.” I gave a slight smile at that. “True, libraries can get VERY anal about noise...” Managing to get himself under control at last, he managed to reply thoughtfully, “Still, Sulky... You know, I never would have thought of it myself, but it is rather accurate once I think about it. And getting tagged as Sulky by a window niche no less. Only in Metamor...” “Only in Metamor...” I agreed, chuckling as I replaced the last two books I had borrowed. I paused for a moment, looking at him thoughtfully. “So what IS your name anyway? I’ve been calling you Sulky in my head this entire time.” “Lois. Well, Vincent Lois, but most everyone who knows me calls me by my surname,” he said, holding out a hand for me to shake. “Well hello Lois, my name is Kit Calico, but I go by just Kit,” I replied, taking it. Somewhere nearby I could hear a voice whisper <Talk to the hand, for the hand says it all.> I frowned slightly, and looked at the hand I was shaking. It was inside a glove so I had no idea what that meant, but it might not be a good idea to pry in any case. Though in the meanwhile as I made this decision, there was an awkward moment that ended when Lois took back his hand. I blinked in surprise, focusing on the present as I realized Lois was saying something. “… but I still have some reminiscing to do…” He gestured at the book he had when I first saw him and one or two others besides. “Right,” I said, regathering my composure. “I’ve got to get going myself actually, things to do and whatnot. Maybe I’ll see you around the keep sometime,” and I walked out of the library, returning to my temporary home for the night. I got back to find the bed was gone, but I guess I didn't really need it anymore. Tonight I was going to try sleeping in the hole in the wall and see how that worked out. Tomorrow morning I would meet with Misha and move into the upper level of the shop that would be my new livelihood for the foreseeable future. My debut in Metamor had been a chaotic couple of weeks, but things were looking up now and the future looked as bright as ever. The End !DSPAM:4ddd3786271911804284693!