Misha remembers in great detail his first kill. I described his feelings in Counterstrike in a conversation with Rois: <div> 'The fox didn't answer at first but stared off into space, "How old are they?" he queried, seemingly out of the blue. "I killed my first person at age 16," the fox admitted before Rois could reply.</div> <div> "I'm sorry. "</div> <div> "A knight from the kingdom of Selerna at the Battle of Blue river."</div> <div> "How did you feel at the time?" she asked.</div> <div> "Sick, excited, and God help me, proud. But I adapted, and realized that there was no choice. It was war, and if I hadn't killed him he would have killed me or one of my friends. I'm good at killing, but I've never grown to love it."</div> ' >>>>>>>> <div style="font-family:arial,helvetica;font-size:10pt;color:black">-----Original Message----- From: C. Matthias <jagille3@vt.edu> To: Jack Moore <jackthefrilledlizard@gmail.com>; mkguild <mkguild@lists.integral.org> Sent: Fri, Jul 8, 2016 6:23 am Subject: Re: [Mkguild] Patrol XVI >"I killed him." I repeated as Brightleaf and >Nemo lead me away. I repeated this over and >over, as Nemo took my bloody skirt off. As I >tried to explain to Brightleaf what happened all >I could see was his dead eyes. "I killed him. I killed a man!" >"It was him or you." Brightleaf said. His voice >was calm and his countenance firm. "You did what >you had to do. Don't feel bad about that." I >looked him in the eye for the first time since being brought out of the woods. >For the first time I really saw Brightleaf's >scared face. His cut ear and fur patched with >battle wounds contrasted against my smooth >scales. Each knick on his body or scar that >emerged from his fur made my heart pound. >Brightleaf and I were standing just inside >Metamor Keep. The sun had not risen to its full >height. Brightleaf himself looked tired but >steady. I meanwhile tried to keep from breaking down. >"I didn't have to kill him." >"Then he would have you. Did you want to die?" I >gave him a look of disgust. "It's not easy >killing people James. But you didn't have a >choice. Tell yourself that." Brightleaf's words >were direct. He didn't worry about the >ramifications of killing. He saw things as what >needs to be done and what is done. Do not doubt that Misha himself suffered greatly at the first man he killed. Even Charles is haunted by this. >"He didn't know what he was doing." I stammered. >"Oh gods he was my age. He didn't want to die! >I-I didn't want to kill him!" I think I threw up then, I don't remember.Â >I did start to wail then. I would too. You have captured this perfectly. >"You'll be okay." Nemo said again. I didn't say >a thing. I kept my gaze focused on the ground. >My head was spinning so fast if I looked up I >was bound to fall over. "I promise you will be >okay. The first time you kill someone is always the hardest." I looked up. >"The first time? That wasn't the first time, >that was the last time." I shook my head. "I >won't kill someone again." Oh how sure I was at that moment.Â In Metamor there is not much choice. We are almost pampered in our world. >Our home was black and ice cold. Nemo sat me at >the table and went over to our fire pit. In a >few minutes he had a roaring fire going. Its >radiant warmth didn't break through my soaked wet dress. >"You'll need to change clothes." Nemo said. "You >have another dress in your room, I'll go get >it." I didn't respond to him. I dug my claws >into the wooden table and began to shave off parts of the old wood. >"I was finally starting to enjoy these things." >I pressed my hands flat against the table, >finally letting go of the hatchet. My fingers >once stubby were now spindly. Nails once cut short were now pointed claws. I like this touch here about just starting to like his body. >Nemo's heart still had not calmed down he noted >as he retreated to his own room. He sat the >hatchet beside his door and grit his teeth. >"Ever-everything will be-will be" Suddenly Nemo >was aware of nothing but the sound of his heart >and sweat pouring down the back of his head. "Wha-what's happening?" >Suddenly the area around his temples began to >itch like crazy. Nemo scratched at it, only to >find hair falling out at his touch. "What? >Bu-but I'm becoming younger aren't I? How can >I..." He trailed off. I'm not becoming younger. I'm changing as well. >It was then that the first wave of change hit >Nemo. This inhuman sensation that he could only >describe as the feeling of change. It dropped >Nemo to his knees in the middle of the room, sending his head spinning. >"Eli..." Nemo whispered. "Madeline..." Those >were the only words he could rasp out as his nails drew into claws. Yay, he's transforming!! >James transformation had been slow. From this >Nemo had learned all transformations were slow >and drawn out. Only now did the curse of Metamor >Keep show him just how wrong he was. >Nemo managed to remain conscious as all the >changes hit him at once. He finally fell asleep >when his new tail dragged against the stone floor. Hooray for having a tail like a civilized creature! >"Squeak?" I looked down at the foot of my bed. >My gray rat friend stood on his hind legs >looking up at me. He cocked his head and hopped >up my body. I stroked his oddly clean fur. We Rats like to keep clean! >"Hey there." He shivered as I ran my claw down >his back. "I really needed you. Just someone who >isn't going to tell me everything will be okay." >I swallowed. "Because it won't be okay." >I began to cry again. "Oh gods it'll never be >okay again. It's all over. My life really is >over." My rodent friend rubbed himself against >me, trying to comfort me. I completely lost it >until my body was wracked with sobs. >I will finish my first cycle with my next >letter. For now I will leave you with the image >of my younger self, sobbing on his bed and wishing to disappear.Â >I have killed since then; I have killed many >times. Yet with ease I can draw each name from >the confines of my mind. When I close my eyes, I >see their accusing faces. I will carry them with >me and Saphir's face will be one of the brightest of them. I thought his name was Berl and that Saphir was one of the other hunters... >Despite that I no longer accept guilt. >Brightleaf was right; Saphir would have killed >me had he acted first. That's not of much >comfort when the blood is fresh on you. In time, >though, when it has been washed off you can know there was no other choice. >Humans are entrenched in blood. A river of blood flows through our lives. >It would be a year before I learned Saphir's >name or I met those people again. I will share, >though, when I did in a later cycle. Blood must >be repaid with blood as I was to learn. Either >all must die or someone must end the killing. >My hand grows tired, allow me to stop here. My >next letter will be considerably longer. >Until then I remain your affectionate friend in the South. >J. Excellent story! The back and forth between present and past was well done. It was good to finally learn what happened with Sir Tallis and how it scarred James. His first patrol was both hilarious in his ridiculousness but harrowing in what he had to do. Well done, my friend! Well done! May He bless you and keep you in His grace and love, Charles Matthias _______________________________________________ MKGuild mailing list <a href="mailto:MKGuild@lists.integral.org">MKGuild@lists.integral.org</a> <a href="http://lists.integral.org/listinfo/mkguild" target="_blank">http://lists.integral.org/listinfo/mkguild</a> </div>