[Vfw-times] Rudoph the Redneck Reindeer

[Heartsh0t at aol.com]

Alright..if there's any good ole Southern boys out there, I know you'll like 
this diddy...and even if there's not, I'm sure you'll like it as well...it's 
from a radio talk show I listen to now and again....

Rudolph the Redneck Reindeer

Rudolph the Redneck Reindeer smokes Lucky Strikes and dips snuff
And when it come to liquor, he couldn’t never get enough (belch belch).
He carried a sawed off shot-gun, and always slicked back his fur (with 
Vaseline).
All of the other reindeers, all the time called him “Sir” (“Yes Sir, yes 
sir, big ole Ten-four, yes sir”).
Well, he lived in a double wide trailer ‘bout a mile from Santa’s house 
(that’s a ten-four), and each and every Christmas, Rudolph would always get 
south (dead drunk)
then walk down to the stables, where the other reindeers would be (eatin’ hay)
where he’d cuss and spit tobacco juice and punch out two or three (more like 
maim)
“Uugghh...Donner and Blitzen - get up against the wall, don’t give me no lip 
now...I mean business!”
Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came down to Rudolph’s trailer where 
Rudolph was lying in the bed trying to get over last night’s drunk  Then 
Santa Claus saw Rudolph’s bed covered with liquor bottles, tobacco juice all 
over him, and cigarette butts all over the floor there, and he got REAL mad 
and he said to Rudolph, “You better get on the dag-gum wagon and pull my sled 
tonight boy...” and Rudolph didn’t like this kind of loud talk so early in 
the morning you, know.  So he reached over and spit tobacco juice in the left 
eye of Santa Claus and then took a liquor bottle and busted it over the bed 
and said  “Get the hell out of here you dag-gummed fat hippie!”
Well..see Santa Claus didn’t like that at all..Rudolph coming at him with a 
bottle and all you know.  Well, you see Santa Claus had been taking kung fu 
lessons from this Chinese elf during the summer while he didn’t have anything 
to do, so he takes his right hand there and slams it in Rudolph’s old face, 
just knocks him flat on the floor.
Well...Rudolph the Redneck Reindeer had a very bloody nose,and if you ever 
saw it, you would even say it glows.  All of the other reindeers all laughed 
and throw back their heads (haaahaaa), cause Rudolph the Redneck Reinder,  
that’s how your nose got red!

= -)  Kim Edwards