[Mkguild] Lil' dream sequence + writer's block (Yargh!)

[Kendo Virmir]

Wow, thank you very much!  Ha ha, yes I do tend to get wordy
sometimes.  These tips will help tremendously and I will apply them to
future works the best I can.

Writing is more or less a new thing to me, so I greatly appreciate all
the help I can get.  I realize that it's more than just a matter of
putting correct sentences down.  I really need to work on how my
writing flows.  Hope to improve with practice.  Thanks for pointing me
in the right direction!

The only thing is, which I'm glad you caught because I've been
struggling with it, I want to give the sense that Virmir's writing in
a journal.  That's why I slipped to the present tense in the end.
He's reflecting on the thoughts he's having as he writes.  I don't
know, is this confusing?  I did shift a paragraph in my second story
back to past tense because it just didn't sound right.

Thanks for the help!

On 3/7/07, C. Matthias <jagille3 at vt.edu> wrote:
> Hey Virmir!
>
> I'm going to do you an extra favour and do a little critiquing!  Keep
> in mind that this is meant entirely to help.  I want to state first
> and foremost that I enjoyed this snippet, it made me smile brightly,
> and I heartily approve of the theme that filled this dream.  Also, I
> saw nothing wrong with it, and your worry at the end was
> unfounded.  I will explain why when I get to the end.  For now, on
> with the suggestion!


-- 
- Virmir
http://virmir.com