[Mkguild] New Author & Character: Stryke

[Uri David Akavia]

I have to side with Hallan.
The Stryker character suffers too much from Superman Syndrome. The
problem with characters like this is that they're usually boring as
hell to read - they can deal with everything, so their solutions are
going to be easier.
Try to imagine how someone like yourself would solve a problem, and
how someone like Stryker would solve this problem.
To give a specific example - I kind of (long story) got locked out of
my apartment today. This was a problem I had to solve, and might be an
interesting way of giving the readers insight into character - how
would your character solve this problem, and how the character (in
this case, me) thinks about situations.
Now, how would Stryker solve this kind of problem? Probably very
easily, so it wouldn't be that interesting.

Note - there are probably other characters I would object to on this
basis (I'm kind of strict). I'm not attempting to pick on Stryker,
just using this character because this is one of the first characters
I've read in quite some time.

One more point that I'd like to raise, which is a general question
(feel free to answer) - what's the percentage of high-level mages
and/or people with rare artifacts? My feeling is that it should be
similar to the amount of people with advanced academic degrees in our
universe, which isn't that high. If we go by this analogy, people with
advanced magical powers still have problems similar to that of
everybody else - love, friendship, family....

Just my 2 cents.

Uri David

On Nov 25, 2007 7:09 PM, Hallan Mirayas <hallanmirayas at hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>  I'll be honest:  this character gravely concerns me.  Let me see if I've
> got all his superpowers right:
> 1- shapeshifting automaton, capable of rearranging self, generating blades
> at a whim, and transformation into anything he knows of
> 2- daedric influences, and extensive knowledge thereof
> 3- magic skills capable of, among other things, levitating multiple tons of
> material
> 4- capable of removing/destroying souls
> 5- Empathic connection with the Five Sisters
>
> In comparison, his limitations:
> 1- Has occasional trouble remembering
> 2- Cannot form projectiles
> ('Can be damaged by high-power magic' doesn't qualify, in my book, as a
> limitation.  EVERYBODY gets hurt by high-powered magic.)
>
> On a character-creator level, I'd have to say 'badly designed character: far
> too overpowered'.  Drift has some gifts, but he also has many considerable
> drawbacks that he has to work through in the course of his on-screen
> development.  He will -become- highly powered, but at an extreme cost.
> Aside from the aforementioned Superman Syndrome, I would also ask this
> character not to be used for another reason: He has the potential to
> -completely- deus ex machina my storyline.  I cannot say precisely why,
> without giving away massive spoilers, but if this character enters MK canon,
> my story is screwed.
>
> The machinist -might- be good, if rather ahead of her time in terms of
> specialization.
>
> The dragonfly with the 'surgically-integrated' ballista, I'd also have to
> object to.  The medical knowledge isn't even available -NOW- to accomplish
> that without chronic infection.
>
> The dragon seems the best idea so far.  They're already in canon as
> existing, and they've been defined somewhat as to their strengths and
> weaknesses.  I would -hope- that you'd start out with a young, inexperienced
> dragon, or a newly transformed guy who's learning how to handle his new
> body, rather than an instant butt-kicker.  That's something I was very
> specific about when I started Drift: Metamor has -plenty- of good fighters.
> Drift is not one of them.  He's actually a rather -poor- fighter.  His
> strength is his innovative mind.
>
> You show potential, Stryker.  Please don't waste it on an ubercharacter.
>
> Hallan
>
> > Date: Sun, 18 Nov 2007 23:45:42 -0800
> > From: stryker.mk at gmail.com
> > To: mkguild at lists.integral.org
> > Subject: [Mkguild] New Author & Character: Stryker
> >
> > Hi --
> >
> > My name is Britt, and after reading all the archived MK stories, I've
> > decided to give writing some a try. The first character I'd like to
> > introduce is Stryker (from whence this email address was derived -- I
> > needed *something* to put into gmail -- but he's not my alter-ego);
> > who is a shape-shifter automaton. He may not be the one I end up
> > writing about the most, but he's who I've got the most definition of
> > right now.
> >
> > Given that this is my first whack at this, I'm quite open to changing
> > most of his attributes; so please do mention anything you'd like to
> > see different about him. Also, I've referenced Raven and Misha by
> > description towards the end of the intro story, but that could easily
> > be changed to just about anybody...
> >
> > Other ideas for characters I'm working on are a female feline
> > machinist (might be a good source for precision parts for Misha's
> > clocks, and perhaps some of Drift's inventions); a large dragonfly
> > outfitted with surgically-integrated side-mounted ballista fired from
> > a spare muscle (this should be feasible due to his exoskeleton; I
> > doubt this would work well on a non-insect), and a dragon (I haven't
> > figured out if it'll be natural or cursed yet).
> >
> > Oh, and about Drift - I had come up with the idea for Stryker before
> > reading about Drift ending up in hell (the 6th, IIRC?) in the forum,
> > but now that I see that, I think he'd make a good companion for the
> > rescue mission; and a great agent for throwing verbal barbs
> > back-and-forth between him and the daedra.
> >
> > Here's what I've got on Stryker so far:
> >
> > Character Datasheet:
> > Name: Stryker
> > Species: Automaton, shape-shifter.
> > Gender Identity: Male-dominant; with occasional feminine traits showing
> thru.
> > Age: over 20,000 years; 99% of which spent unconscious in solar orbit.
> > Exact date of creation: Unknown.
> > Height: Variable
> Weight: 4000lbs without levitation; but usually
> > levitates 3800lbs of that to keep from sinking into dirt and wood
> > floors.
> >
> > Alignment: Chaotic good (ownership & command binding to daedra was
> > never performed due to accident during construction resulting in
> > facility being vaporized and automaton blown into orbit). Souls used
> > to animate the automaton were good aligned; these characteristics
> > dominate over the daedric programming & knowledge-base originally laid
> > into the matrix of the automation.
> >
> > Appearance: Variable, depending on situation. In the keep, to blend
> > in, he usually goes by the appearance of an anthropomorphic marten;
> > likes to wear black cloaks or trench coats and a dark hat that
> > obscures his face. If need be, he can appear as anything from a volume
> > of air (i.e, invisible to most eyes; but insect morphs should be able
> > to feel his presence by infrared and air current disturbances on their
> > antenna), an inanimate object (rocks, furniture, etc) to any animal
> > that he knows the appearance of. Has no odor (due to being really
> > metal, not flesh).
> >
> > Fighting skills & abilities: Can shape-shift any body part into a
> > blade. Immune to blades and projectiles (he will just shape-shift
> > around them). Can channel mana very efficiently; has extensive
> > knowledge of the 9 hells, their occupants, and how to defeat & control
> > them (was designed to be an enforcer for a daedra; a sort of
> > "dominance weapon", much like an F22 is an "air dominance fighter") --
> > however, is limited by a damaged memory-indexing subsystem; so
> > sometimes doesn't remember something he should, or remembers the wrong
> > thing for the context. Capable of extracting and destroying a soul
> > (either good or daedric, but will not use this against anything that
> > isn't a particularly nasty demon; and can separate a possessing soul
> > from a possessed body usually with comparatively little damage to the
> > proper owner's soul). Can carry a soul from one plane to another by
> > allowing it to attach to a part of his matrix (kind of like a vulcan
> > mind meld does, but not quite as tightly "melded").
> >
> > Limitations: Damaged memory-indexing subsystem. Contact with daedric
> > magic makes him nauseous; and feels cold, slimy, and gritty.
> > Reclusive; does not like being drawn into situations that could lead
> > to having to deal with daedra & associated minions -- in some respects
> > he's kind of like a nuke in the hands of a peace activist. High-power
> > magic directed at him can cause damage & drain his resources. Cannot
> > form projectiles (needs external objects to throw).
> >
> > Personality: Quiet. Reclusive. Loyal to his friends. Will accept new
> > friends, but does not seek new friends out. Not easily impressed.
> > Thinks bluster, bravado, and bullying are character flaws, and thusly
> > looks down upon those that exhibit those behaviors. Modest to others
> > (usually by just keeping his mouth shut), but not in his own mind
> > ("just because I am really that good doesn't mean I have to go rubbing
> > everybody else's nose in it"). Expression tends to be somewhat
> > enigmatic, but can be very expressive when he wants to be. Composed of
> > two merged souls, a male marten, and a female elf (who was somewhat
> > tomboyish); the male characteristics tend to dominate, but not always.
> > Usually appears as male or somewhat ambiguous. Emotionally conflicted
> > by what he has become. Hates daedra with a passion. Has a slight
> > empathic/spiritual connection with The Five Sisters (he can often get
> > the gist of what one of The Sisters is trying to communicate to him
> > without needing direct contact), as he is also a sort of conscious
> > weapon. Relates well with Madog. He respects Omega, but does not seek
> > Omega's company.
> >
> > Goals: Avoiding daedra. Destroying daedra when he is confronted by
> > them. Staying out of trouble (which, much to his chagrin, seldom seems
> > to work out).
> >
> >
> >
> ************************************************************************************************************************************
> > Intro Story:
> >
> > Broken Arrow
> >
> > Pt. 1: Hide and Seek.
> >
> >
> > Slowly sliding his head up over the boulder he was crouched behind,
> > the mage surveyed the clearing before him. A slight rustling in the
> > bushes ahead and just off to the left of him caught his attention.
> > 'Yes... yes, you'll do nicely little one' he thought.
> >
> > Carefully so as not to alarm the creature, he circled out from behind
> > the boulder and moved along the edge of the clearing; making sure to
> > stay downwind from the animal. Nearing the bush from whence the
> > rustling had come, he quietly dropped down to the ground and peered
> > in; and laid eyes upon the visage of a Great Irombi Marten trying his
> > best to stay hidden behind the thick mass of leaves.
> >
> > 'How did she catch up to me so fast?' the marten thought, and turned
> > his head to look in the direction of his pursuer - only to have his
> > eyes widen in shock as he realized that the person just outside of the
> > bush where he was hiding was not the girl he had been playing
> > hide-and-seek with.
> >
> > Seeing his eyes widen, the mage knew he had been spotted and had to
> > act fast. With a snap of his wrist, he threw a stunning spell at the
> > animal; which hit with a soft fizzling sound, knocking the marten
> > unconscious.
> >
> > Reaching into the bush, he grabbed his quarry by the scruff of the
> > neck and dragged him out into the clearing. "Ugh... heaver than it
> > looks," muttered the mage. After pausing a moment, he made a complex
> > gesture over the unconscious form at his feet, and then gestured
> > upwards. The marten slowly floated up before the mage, who then turned
> > and started off in the direction he had come from; the marten floating
> > behind him, occasionally bumping into the odd bush or tree as it
> > followed.
> >
> >
> _________________________________________________________________________________________
> >
> > "Ready or not, here I come!" shouted the girl, rising from her
> > position seated under a tree. Looking down, she could see the tracks
> > her pet had left in the leaves that littered the forest floor.
> > Glancing forwards again, she began to follow the trail as it lead
> > towards the mountains.
> >
> > After about two hours of tracking (and chasing a few false trails),
> > she came upon the clearing. Frowning, she sniffed the air - yes, her
> > pet had been here... but there was something else. Looking down again,
> > she carefully examined the area surrounding the clearing... and then
> > stopped suddenly, a chill creeping up her spine.
> >
> > These were not the tracks of a marten.
> >
> > Whatever had left them was clearly a biped; and wore boots, too.
> >
> > Closing her eyes, she shifted to true-sight, allowing her mind to take
> > in the scene around her. An inky black trail emanated from one of the
> > bushes near the other biped's tracks... and in this bush, her pet's
> > tracks on the ground stopped, but her pet wasn't there. Looking out
> > from the bush, she followed a trail of drag marks into the clearing,
> > to the spot where they ended. There, she found a slight magical
> > afterglow, clear sign that some spell had been cast here recently.
> >
> > Turning about, she cast here true-sight further afield; and spotted
> > more black marks on the trees, heading towards the mountains. The bile
> > rising in her throat, she began to charge towards them, ducking
> > through the bushes and brambles that got in her way. Whatever had
> > happened to her pet here, it couldn't have been good...
> >
> >
> _________________________________________________________________________________________
> >
> > It had taken the mage three days to make it back to his lair in the
> > mountains, and the crossing was not easy. But, then again, the mage
> > reflected, that was by design - he really didn't like unexpected
> > guests. The guest he was entertaining now, however; was most
> > definitely not unexpected, nor unwelcome.
> >
> > "Yes, my Lord... I now have all the requisite materials. I shall begin
> > the procedure forthwith." the mage said to the shrouded inky black
> > figure in the corner.
> >
> > Nodding once, the figure responded in a soft hissing voice "Proceed. I
> > will return for the final binding stage." -- and with that, vanished
> > in a swirl of darkness.
> >
> > Behind the mage stood a large metal structure; it's pillars covered
> > with runes. Spanning the pillars about five feet above the floor was a
> > lattice of wire, and floating under it was a silvery liquid torus
> > three feet across. Reflected in the surface of the torus the mage
> > could see the face of a marten, caught up in the wires above.
> >
> > Turning fully to face the structure, the mage began chanting quietly;
> > attuning the molten alloy to the animal suspended above it, it's
> > surface slightly rippling as he did so.
> >
> >
> _________________________________________________________________________________________
> >
> > Exhausted from days of tracking, the girl slumped down at the base of
> > a gnarled, twisted tree. She knew that if she had any hope of seeing
> > her pet again, she couldn't afford to sleep; but she desperately
> > needed to rest, if only for a few minutes.
> >
> > Dropping her head to her knees, she closed her eyes, and reached out
> > with her mind... and nearly threw up as the sheer malevolence of the
> > place hit her. Jerking her head upright again, she realized that
> > everything around her was diseased, and the air was dead silent.
> >
> > Rising from the tree with a fresh pang of fear spreading across her
> > chest, she turned back to the direction the tracks lead towards; and
> > gazed up at the forbidding face of the dark mountain, it's peak
> > disappearing in the dingy grey mists of the leaden sky above. Steeling
> > herself against this sight, she began to head up the slope again; the
> > only sound meeting her ears was the sound of her own heartbeat
> > thudding in her chest.
> >
> >
> _________________________________________________________________________________________
> >
> > Finishing the final words in the sequence, the mage looked up again
> > and saw that his master had returned. "My lord." he said, bowing in
> > supplication before the mass of darkness before him.
> >
> > "Rise..." the shrouded figure intoned in the same quiet hissing voice
> > as before. "You have finished the preparations." - a statement, not a
> > question.
> >
> > "Yes, my lord. All that remains is the soul binding, and the mark of
> > ownership." the mage replied.
> >
> > From within the shroud that the dark figure wore, a sheathed dagger
> > appeared, held by a withered, almost skeletal, blackened hand. The
> > mage extended his hand, and his master placed the object in it,
> > feeling the dagger hum has he received the unholy object.
> >
> > Turning towards the structure again, the mage unsheathed the dagger;
> > and approached the creature that was suspended in midair, tightly
> > caught up in the wires.
> >
> >
> _________________________________________________________________________________________
> >
> > Blood. Pausing a moment, she leaned forwards to examine the side of a
> > large rock outcropping. Though it had dried hours before, it bore an
> > aura that was, for her, unmistakable -- they had passed by here
> > recently, and judging by the small patch of fur embedded in the streak
> > of blood, run into this rock with some degree of force.
> >
> > Continuing past the outcropping, she saw a hole in the ground, just
> > big enough to walk into. Peering into the darkness, she realized it
> > was the mouth of a tunnel leading into the mountain. Knowing that she
> > was going to regret doing this -- but also knowing that she would
> > regret not doing this more -- she started down the tunnel, trying to
> > be as silent as possible.
> >
> > After half an hour of walking like this, she reached a corner, with a
> > sickly dim green light coming from the chamber just beyond. Pausing
> > again, she could hear soft voices, one hissing, the other smooth and
> > almost velvety.
> >
> > Peering around the corner, she saw a sight that made her blood turn to
> > ice -- her beloved pet, strung up and hanging from three pillars; a
> > man with his arms raised above it, dagger in hand. As she came around
> > the corner, the man muttered something, and the floor under the
> > pillars opened in three pieces like a mechanical iris, exposing a
> > bright green flickering glow to the room.
> >
> > Her hesitation lasted only a moment, though -- seeing what was about
> > to happen, she screamed and lunged towards the man, crossing the
> > distance between them before he realized what was happening. The
> > shrouded figure across from them was not so slow, however -- but,
> > being on the wrong side of the pillars, did not dare to throw a spell
> > at her; as the magical items between them were far to powerful and
> > unstable to risk it. Seeing what was about to happen, the dark figure
> > did the only thing left available to him; and vanished in a swirl of
> > black that seemed to suck the light out of the room.
> >
> > The mage became aware of her presence as she arrived at his side, but
> > it was too late; his arms were already moving swiftly towards the
> > chest of the marten, driven on by the urges of the dagger itself. As
> > the tip pierced the animal's skin, her hands closed around the blade.
> >
> > It was at this point that everything went... sideways.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> _________________________________________________________________________________________
> >
> =========================================================================================
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Pt 2: Three Shakes
> >
> > The fluid floating between the three pillars was an alloy of gallium,
> > indium, tin, germanium, and mithril. This alloy has several unusual
> > properties; it has an extremely low melting point, makes an excellent
> > substrate for soul-binding, and can pass easily across astral plane
> > boundaries. However, perhaps the most unusual property that it
> > exhibits is that it is realistically possible to force it's entropy
> > level low enough that it becomes a superconductor for mana.
> >
> > Life and death are polar with respect to entropy; life reducing it,
> > death increasing it -- and thus life and death aspect mana have the
> > respective effect on the entropy of that which they flow through. The
> > soul-binding procedure creates a surge of mana; death-aspect in the
> > body from whence the soul came; and life-aspect flowing thru the
> > object that the soul is being bound to. Consequently, when the mage
> > plunged the binding dagger into the heart of the marten, driving the
> > animal's soul out along the length of the blade and into the alloy
> > below, the entropy level in the liquified metal plummeted as the
> > higher order of life filled it -- and had things been going according
> > to plan, that's all that would have happened, for the mage had
> > carefully "pre-cooled" the alloy to a level of entropy optimum for
> > accepting the soul of the animal, but no more.
> >
> > Unfortunately for the mage, things were not going according to plan;
> > for now there was a girl clinging firmly to the blade, her blood
> > mixing with the marten's as the razor edges sliced deep into her
> > palms. It is the nature of such a blade to draw out the soul of any
> > who's blood touches it and expel it down it's length; and true to it's
> > nature, it pulled both the souls that it was in contact with out and
> > cast them into the alloy floating below it. The resultant excess
> > life-aspect mana shot through the metal like a lightning bolt; it's
> > entropy levels dropping far below what either the mage or his master
> > had intended. As the entropy level fell, the alloy began to crystalize
> > into a superconductor.
> >
> > Flowing inside the mountain that the mage had constructed the chamber
> > in was a dark nexus; it's magic flows peaking in intensity a few
> > hundred feet below the floor, which was now open exposing the sickly
> > green glow of the nexus. Nanoseconds after the crystallization had
> > reached the surface of the metal, the mana from the nexus below began
> > to surge through the super-conducting metal, it's flux rising
> > uncontrolled as the metal put forth no resistance to the flow.
> >
> > But this was a dark nexus, and the energies surging through the area
> > were very death-aligned; and just as the flow in the super-conducting
> > alloy was reaching it's saturation point, the death-aspect mana drove
> > the entropy level back over the point of criticality, slamming shut in
> > a nanosecond the path the mana was flowing through.
> >
> > With the full force of the nexus behind it, the mana - with nowhere
> > else to go - arced over the surface of the alloy and began to spread
> > outwards. Being death-aspected, the mana drove the entropy level in
> > the surrounding space so high that atoms themselves were torn apart;
> > and in the few hundred-thousandths of an inch in the direct path of
> > the arc, mass itself was reduced to a burst of randomized energy
> > radiating outwards into the surrounding rock at the speed of light.
> >
> > Then, the surge spent, the arc-over collapsed; mana flows rebounding
> > back down to the center of the nexus where they originated. But all
> > was not over yet; as the energy released had vaporized most of the
> > rock of the mountain, causing the mountain to explode outwards and
> > sending material many hundreds of miles up into the sky.
> >
> > And the object in the center of it all was propelled far higher than
> > the surrounding rock...
> >
> >
> _________________________________________________________________________________________
> >
> > Looking out from the top of a distant mountain, the shrouded figure
> > let out a long hissing sigh, a sound swallowed up in the chaos of the
> > scene before him - where there had only moments before been a mountain
> > range, there was now a valley; rising from it a huge pillar of ash and
> > smoke, the upper ranges of it beginning to choke off the sunlight. The
> > ground in the distance was glowing a deep red, as lava was stripped
> > bare of the soil and rock that had covered it for millions of years;
> > and the air even this far away was beginning to smell of sulphur.
> > Shaking his head slowly, he vanished almost as quickly as he had come;
> > oblivious to the true nature of the creature he had wrought that
> > day...
> >
> > The Ice Age from the fallout would last for over five thousand years.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> _________________________________________________________________________________________
> >
> =========================================================================================
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Pt. 3: A sort of homecoming.
> >
> > There... in the distance. Something familiar; something the creature
> > had felt before. As consciousness slowly began to seep back into the
> > entity, it realized what it was that had awoken it.
> >
> > Mana flux.
> >
> > Tenuous and faint, to be sure; but present -- and as the hours went
> > by, it was getting stronger. Instinctively reaching out through the
> > cold vacuum of interplanetary space, it began to draw the energies
> > towards it; and allowing the flow to pull it in.
> >
> > Ever so slowly, it's orbit began to tighten. It didn't take much,
> > though; and this time it looked like it was finally getting to where
> > it had tried to go all those many times before. Reaching out again to
> > the flux, the creature noticed that it's orbit had bent far enough to
> > be captured by the gravity of the moon, and it was now on a parabolic
> > trajectory that took it only a few tens of miles from the surface.
> >
> > Eventually, the creature had gathered together enough energy to form
> > eyes, and when it did so, the view was breathtaking. Starlight shown
> > down on the night side of the lunar surface streaking by below the
> > creature, dimly illuminating the craters and mountains against the
> > star-strewn black of the space beyond.
> >
> > And then it crossed the terminator; the sun now visible in all it's
> > glory. Long shadows trailed behind the stark grey peaks that slid past
> > it below, stretching out away from the lunar dawn.
> >
> > Looking forwards again across the horizon, a small blue and white disc
> > slid up into view, gaining height as the creatures path brought it
> > further around and away from the moon.
> >
> > Fifty hours later the creature reached the outer fringes of the
> atmosphere.
> >
> >
> _________________________________________________________________________________________
> >
> > Looking out over the northern wall, the wolf reflected on the scene
> > before her. This place really was beautiful, especially now in the
> > pre-dawn hours; the moonlight shining down on the valley.
> >
> > Turning back to the keep behind her, she was somewhat surprised to see
> > a new light in the southern sky; but as it moved she thought 'Ahh... a
> > shooting star.'
> >
> > Turning her head to track it as the point of light streaked overhead,
> > she was startled by a loud double crack shattering the still air;
> > powerful enough that she felt it resonate through her chest. Moments
> > later, just after the point of light fell to the ground to the north;
> > there was another loud boom, but this time not so sharp.
> >
> >
> _________________________________________________________________________________________
> >
> > The afternoon light filtered down through the trees, falling on the
> > face of a fox; who stood leaning on the handle of a five foot long axe
> > with his head resting against the top of the pitch-black blade, eyes
> > wide at the empty smoking crater before him.
> >
> > With a growing sense of uneasiness, he turned and headed back south,
> > the suspicion firmly planted in his mind that he was missing
> > something...
>
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