[Mkguild] Metamor Keep story submission

[C. Matthias]

>This is my Metamor Keep story entry, Chapter One.

Hi Kiba,

Once again, welcome to Metamor Keep.  You've got an interesting 
little tale developing here, and I wanted to commend you on being so 
excited to have already submitted a work!

However, you also have a bit of editting that you're going to need to 
do on this piece.  For instance, you frequently flip back and forth 
between present and past tense.  This is very jarring to the reader 
and I think is the biggest flaw in the work.  You have to fix 
this.  Choose either past or present tense and stick with it.  I 
recommend past tense because it is easier to write in.  A lot of the 
present tense constructions can become awkward, but it is possible to 
use (see Neal stephenson's "Cryptonomicon" for an example of a work 
written entirely in present tense).

Also, I'm curious where Trenador is supposed to be.  Have you picked 
a place on the maps for it?  I think that would help the rest of us 
keepa  clear picture of what you are doing.

Good luck and I look forward to reading more!

May He bless you and keep you in His grace and love,

Charles Matthias




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