[Mkguild] Only in Metamor... (part 3/3)

[Kit]

Over the next few days, the heavy rain kept me inside mostly. I spent the
time fretting about the effects of my new curse and distracting myself by
studying my newly acquired books that had led me to Metamor in the first
place. Despite the rain I managed to go back to Elaine's shop and pick up
the rest of my clothing, bribe Pascal with the rigged bet, and drum up my
first customer for my soon to open shop.


 Elaine was very nice when I dropped by and even offered me a few muffins
from her first batch that she had botched with the recipe I'd given her the
other day. They still tasted fine she claimed, the color had just leaked out
of the blueberries somehow. However when I tried to eat one back at the
keep, I found myself abruptly tackled by that fox Virmir from the other day..
Apparently he figured the blue muffins had something in common with the RED
muffins pascal had tried to get him to eat the other day and he thought I
had been responsible.


 I explained the situation to him and he seemed a bit disgruntled that he
had been mistaken. Still, he seemed interested enough when I mentioned my
magical trinket business and asked me to make him one for someone on his
patrol whose warmth charm was perpetually running out of energy. He sounded
fairly annoyed as he described how often he had to recharge the thing and I
was left wondering if the fellow was ever NOT in a gruff mood. I offered him
one of my muffins as a courtesy, but he must have still been suspicious and
refused. In his own words, “If you insist on risking your own hide that's
your business, but I'm not touching that thing.”


 When I met up with Pascal and told her about how I 'rigged' her bet with
Vincent, she thought it was quite a laugh and I got her to promise that if
he didn't figure out Virmir hadn't actually fallen for it (she would claim
he managed to fix his fur pretty quickly), then she would share the results
of her research on my color-changing fur and a solution with me if she found
one. And so three days later, with all of my problems but my curse resolved
by now, I found myself outside in the courtyard, up a tree while
contemplating my situation.


 “Can I help you?” a voice rang out suddenly. I started, looking around..
There was no one here. I had checked when I first climbed up here, and no
one had come in since then. There was still no one here and I tilted my
head, confused. It didn’t sound like one of the voices, and I wasn’t prone
to hearing OTHER voices that didn’t exist. I shrugged, maybe I was dreaming,
or maybe I had recently gone crazy after all. Either way, I decided to humor
this person, whether they existed or not.


 I considered my reply and then said somewhat dryly, “I don’t know, how good
are you at therapy?”


 A brief pause accompanied by a sense of consideration followed before,
“Philosophy is my strong point, not psychology, but I can certainly try.
What seems to be your problem?”


 I thought about it for a moment and decided to talk it out. Worst that
could happen was that this voice couldn’t help, and maybe saying it out loud
would give me some insight into it. I sighed, and started talking,
explaining my childhood curse, how it got me stuck here, and what happened
to me because of my new curse, finishing with the dilemma last night, “My
mind is my last sanctuary, if it’s changed, I won’t be me anymore, I’ll be
dead, and someone else will live on...”


 “It can be much worse. Take it from me, I got turned into a tree.”


 I looked down in surprise and realization. “You!?” I exclaimed, pointing at
the tree I was sitting in, a silly looking action I admit, but the tree
didn’t seem to care.


 I heard a chuckle. “Yes, me. I take it you’ve not heard of Laracin?”
Laracin... that name sounded familiar and I realized that I HAD heard of
him, but like Misha, I’d never actually met him.


 I considered it a moment. “Actually I have... I’ve always wondered about
you. Why can’t you move?”


 Laracin paused a moment as if wondering how best to explain himself.
“Well.... I’m a tree. Trees don’t move. I thought that was obvious...” He
said it gently, and I got the sense that he was trying not to sound
insulting. I let out a short laugh which sounded kind of like a bark.


 “That’s not what I meant.” I said, “I mean, why are you always a tree? If
everyone else can take a humanoid form, why can’t you?”


 I felt the tree sigh as it replied, “Ever see a half plant, half animal? It
just wouldn’t work. I’ve tried being human again, it just doesn’t work.”


 I snorted, “Ever see a half human, half animal before three gates? Ever see
a foxtaur or something similar? Why do certain people end up more
animalistic than others? One wolf morph will have hair and feet while
another might have paws and no color vision.”


 I paused to let that sink in before continuing, “The curse isn’t
predictable and it isn’t really as smart as people give it credit for. It’s
very powerful, but all it does is pick animal, gender, or child and then
tries to make you into that. The counter curse is equally simple… it keeps
you in your original form. When the two hit each other they battle back and
forth settling on leaving the cursed halfway. But from what I understand,
the combination STILL isn’t all that smart. It doesn’t know what ‘halfway’
is, so it asks the person getting cursed, even if they don’t realize it.

I think it models itself a LOT off how you see it. The color blind wolf
expects himself to become colorblind, just like you expect yourself to be
stuck as a tree. It sets the rules that you will resemble a certain thing
and lets you know what that thing is. It won’t let you stay human, but
somewhere in your subconscious you’ll get an impression of what you expect
to happen, and the curse uses that as a model. Maybe it’s not what you
expect to happen to you, but it’s what you think a half whatever IS.

The gender curse and age regression is easy to visualize, everyone has the
same impression about that, but the morphic curse is more confusing. Victims
are left part human, and part something completely different. The curse
isn’t complex enough to figure that out for you, and most people have
different views on it.

The curse asks a question, ‘what is a half animal?’ and the victims are
stuck answering it in the depths of their mind. How much remains human, what
those things are, whether it affects their mind at all, the person doesn’t
realize they’re making these choices, but at some deep level they are, and
the curse makes it happen. Taurs exist for the same reason. It’s nothing
more than a different way of thinking of what a half animal is and once the
person realizes that, they can assume the form.

For most people the decision to be made is what a half animal would look
like, for you it was what a half tree would be, but you don’t know what that
is. To you, there is no such thing, and you got stuck as a full tree
instead. If you can figure it out now, you should be able to take that new
form, just like the taurs. It’s all a matter of perspective.”


 Over the course of my tirade, I had gotten louder and more affirmative
until I finished with a thump of my fist on a nearby branch. I then leaned
back in the branches with a final nod to myself, waiting for Laracin to
reply. He was a silent for a while, so I guess I had given him something to
think about. Good to know I could help someone else, even if I couldn’t help
myself. I sighed, about to get up when Laracin spoke again, “It seems to
me... that you’ve answered your own dilemma.”


 I blinked, rather confused. “I’m not sure I follow...”


 “Right there at the end, you said ‘It’s all a matter of perspective.’”


 “But I was talking about the curse itself. I suppose it’s possible to get
myself to reevaluate my opinion about what a half animal is to be one that
doesn’t include the mental changes I apparently think it does, but it’s one
thing to add another idea, and a completely different one to change one
already set in place.”


 “Apparently think?”


 “Yeah, I wouldn’t have thought that I think there are mental changes with
this if it weren’t for my experiences so far. The curse isn’t supposed to do
anything about that!”


 “Well what makes you think there are?”


 “Everything I’ve done! I haven’t been agoraphobic since I was 15!”


 “But all those things you mentioned earlier... they were all related to
being a child. You’ve not had any mental changes towards being a fox. I
think you’re acting like you used to as a child, but that’s more
psychological than anything else. You are physically 13, so you expect that
you’ll act 13 too. It obviously doesn’t always hold as you’re having a very
reasonable conversation of a maturity level far beyond what your 13 year old
self would be capable of. You’re still you, you just act slightly different
in a way you used to when you were young.”


 I rolled my eyes, something I hadn’t known I could even still do until
then. I didn’t really want to come out and say it, but I forced myself to
anyway, “That would make a lot of sense... IF I didn’t have the other
differences too. I’ve come to terms with acting like I did years ago, I know
that’s still me, after all, everyone grows, and change is a part of that,
but this change is different. I shouldn’t be finding myself more comfortable
in a .... den.”


 “How? Is it really as different as you think? You said yourself that you
get agoraphobic at night, when you’re smaller it takes a smaller space to
fix that. I think you liked that den because it was small, not because you
were a fox. Besides, even if you did, aren’t you still you? The difference
in mannerism is no bigger than between you being a child instead of an
adult. The only difference is that this change, assuming it’s even there,
isn’t backwards, it’s forwards. If you search your mind, I think you’ll find
that you’re still the same person inside, fox or no. You can still remember
everything the same, and what makes you the person you are will still be
there.”


 I paused, completely stunned. He was right, I freaked out because I didn’t
consider what was from the fox and what was from the child. And when I
thought about it, I realized that ALL of last night was from the child. And
anyway, Laracin was STILL right on the other point. I was still me, even if
I did have ears that could move and a tail that could wag now. “I...” I
trailed off. What was there to say? I had to settle for a smile and saying,
“Thank you.”


 “No don’t thank me. If you’re right about the issue of perspective, than
you may have done me a service greater than I could ever do for you. I’ve
been stuck here for eight years now, wrestling with myself on whether I’m
still human. You have someone worse off than you to tell you you’re over
thinking the issue, but I don’t. Never have. And now I have the chance to
remove the foundation of the argument against myself. It may take time to
figure it out, and I’ll have to overwinter it, but you’ve given me a hope I
never expected to have, and for that I thank YOU.”


 I wasn’t really sure what to say to that actually... I wasn’t used to
praise and a comment like that had caught me completely out of the blue. I
grinned, starting to climb down. “Well I’m glad we were able to help each
other then,” I said brightly, waving and setting off on my way. As I left, I
shook my head ruefully, “Therapy from a tree!” I exclaimed with a chuckle as
I headed back inside. “Only in Metamor!”


 With that settled, and myself in a much better mood now, I figured it was
past time to actually get around to the reason I had originally come to the
keep in the first place. Thus in short order I found myself sitting in a
windowsill with stacks of books nearby that were taller than I was. Granted
at my current stature this was hardly a feat, but still.


 My reverie was interrupted by one voice in particular pushing its way to
the forefront of my mind. <Yay! Sulky’s back!> Startled, and more than a
little confused, I looked up to see a rather tall man walking towards me
with his nose buried in a book. He didn’t seem to have noticed me yet and
probably didn’t expect anyone to be here. My mage sight showed no threads of
the curse running through his body.


 He couldn’t have been here very long if the curse hadn’t even begun to
claim him and I knew from experience that the uncursed visitors of Metamor
tended to feel like outsiders, so I decided to let him know I was here with
a greeting, “Hi.” I spoke quietly, but in the almost deafening silence of
the library I may as well have shouted. The man started and looked up
abruptly, freezing in place. Now I KNEW he hadn’t expected anyone to be
here. I smiled in amusement at this poor fellow’s expense as the voice from
before spoke up again, <Ok, get out now, this is Sulky’s spot!>


 I blinked, looking askance in a sideways direction at nothing in particular
like I tended to do when talking back to voices. “Sulky?” I asked in a
mutter. It was true that they liked to describe people in the oddest ways,
rarely using names preferring instead to use some defining trait, but this
one seemed downright silly. I also had to wonder why this spot was so happy
to see someone it described as ‘sulky’.


 <Yes, this is Sulky’s spot since long time. You go now.> I blinked again
looking from... Sulky... to the windowsill and back, realizing that like me,
this man must be a repeat visitor to the keep and the library in particular..
He probably came here to get away from the citizens of the curse who could
sometimes be unwittingly rude and resentful towards outsiders. “Oh sorry,
didn’t know this was your spot,” I said, hopping off the sill and putting my
own book down on the nearest pile. Then I stared at the various piles
wondering for a moment just where they had all come from. It took me a
moment to realize that they were all mine and I’d have to put them back now,
a task I feared might be more arduous than I had foreseen when pulling them
off the shelf.


 I wasn’t as large or strong as I used to be and hadn’t realized this would
make it more difficult to return the books I had picked up one by one in a
wild tangent from my original purpose. I sighed, this was a very bad habit
of mine when put in a room full of books. All I really had needed was the
records from the library the book I sought had come from but instead I had
to go cross referencing something silly from the books I already had. In
hindsight this particular indiscretion was useful because I got more hints
on the fifth book I sought and it was not as if I didn’t have enough time
now that I didn’t have to worry about the curse, but it is nonetheless
annoying to have something about yourself you are unable to control.


 In the meanwhile though, the stranger seemed to have recovered and mistaken
my sigh for something else, cutting in with a somewhat weak grin and “You
got here first, the spot is yours. I can find somewhere else.” The spot in
question did not take well to this and wailed like a spoiled child denied a
lollipop. <NO! SULKY STAY!> it screamed, continuing with constant complaints
that was starting to give me a headache.


 I shook my head at him stated somewhat wryly, “Don’t worry, I’m pretty much
done anyway. Besides, somehow I don’t think I’d get much research done now
anyway...”as I started to gather up my books starting with the pile on the
left.


 The man seemed to scowl slightly. “Are you sure or are you just saying
that?” This guy must not be one for charity. Or maybe he just didn’t like it
when people inconvenience themselves for nothing but the sake of politeness..


 As I listened to the voice yammer on, I found myself replying with a faint
smile, “No, I’m fairly certain I won’t be able to concentrate here at all
anymore.”


 This admittedly strange statement got me a strange look and a question,
“Are you feeling all right?” I sighed, slightly exasperated. No matter where
I was, people always ended up thinking me a little strange in the best case
and in worse ones, down right insane.


 Instead of glaring at him however, I forced a smile. “No, I’m fine,
really,” I replied, picking up the gathered pile and heading back to the
tables in the middle to put them back.


 ‘Sulky’, as I decided to refer to him, picked up one of the other piles and
said, “Here, let me help with that.”


 “Thanks.” I mumbled, setting the books I had on a table, going back for the
more. When all the books were on the table I started putting them back one
by one, checking the title and finding where it belonged as the strange man
sort of stood there awkwardly.


 After a while he spoke up as I came back to the table for another book
(Quazzle’s *Ice, the Element of Dreams*, a fascinating read for all that it
was utter rubbish). “So..... what were you looking for anyway?”


 I continued walking to return *The Quintessence: Is Magic the Fifth
Element?* by Placko, a historical philosopher. Once it was on the shelf, I
came back and replied, “I was trying to find a book but... I sorta got
distracted.” I winced to myself on the last part again before grabbing the
next book in the pile, *Mysteries of Magic* by an anonymous author. I
suspected that was written by a woman who didn’t want her work to be just
ignored, but I had no proof.


 ‘Sulky’ looked thoughtful for a moment and said, “I’m sorry if I disturbed
you.”


 I shook my head as I studied the spine of *A History of the Alexandrian
Library*. It was the one of the last books I had left and I couldn’t
remember for the life of me where I had picked it up. “Wasn’t you. I just
starting cross referencing an interesting line of research and... well...” I
shrugged, looking up. “Can’t seem to stay on topic very well, the curse of
the scholarly.”


 Seemingly amused, ‘Sulky’ replied, “I don’t know whether to feel privileged
or cursed not to have a part in that curse. I have never been scholarly,
much less have I had trouble staying on topic.”


 I snorted. “To tell the truth, I’m not sure whether to be privileged or
cursed myself. It gets annoying, but I find out the most interesting things..
Nifty tricks I would never have thought of on my own.”


 “Ah,” he said, and then he seemed to get to the real reason he was talking
to me, screwing his courage tightly enough to ask, “By the way... what’s it
like?”


 “What’s what like?” I asked, getting right down to it, placing the book
down, leaving it for the librarian. I knew this was why he had stuck around
even when I left, but I still wasn’t sure what ‘it’ was.


 “You know...” he continued, somewhat tongue tied. He pointed at me and
finished, “it.”


 Oh. “Oohhhh.... that’s right, you haven’t been here for more than a week
yet.” I paused for a moment to consider the question. “Well, I’m not
entirely sure really. I’ve heard it’s different for everyone of course, but
for me it’s just a different shape, I don’t even remember changing, I just
woke up like this. But I’m still me on the inside.” I smiled, knowing I
wouldn’t have been able to say that just this morning, before finishing
with, “Maybe it’s cause I used to experiment with shape shifting in my
younger days, maybe I’m just in shock, but I can’t say I feel too dismayed
at being turned into a …umm… fox.” I shrugged indicating ignorance to the
answer.


 ‘Sulky’ nodded in understanding. “Ah, a mage then.”


 I nodded back. “An odd one to be sure, but yes. I’m a mage.”


 He considered a moment before asking carefully, “You... read minds or
something?”


 I paused a moment debating whether or not to tell him too. On my right
shoulder sat my memories of all those places that turned against me when
they learned what I could do, called me ‘demon’ and how I didn’t want to
lose Metamor Keep. On the other shoulder however, sat my experience with
people here at the keep and how open minded they are to people who are
different from the norm, especially since the curse. If I was going to stay
here for long I needed to be able to tell them and trust them not to turn
against me as well. But that didn’t mean I had to be stupid about it. There
was a slight difference between hearing the past and hearing entities that
talk about the past, with the latter more likely to be interpreted as a
demon power than the former. I considered it a moment more, head tilted
before saying, “Or something anyway... I guess you could call them ‘whispers
of the past.’”


 ‘Sulky’ looked at me curiously. “Whispers of the past? I never knew that
that was possible.”


 “Neither do most people. I wouldn’t believe it myself I weren’t always
hearing them.”


 He looked at me thoughtfully, “Which is why you said you couldn’t
concentrate... So it wasn’t me.”


 I smiled feeling a little lighter for telling the truth. “Nope, that window
niche remembers you and was quite vocal about it.”


 “The niche remembers me?” he asked, chuckling a bit nervously. “First off,
I have never known window niches to be very vocal about anything. Secondly,
it must have quite a good memory. I haven’t been here in a few years, and I
can’t imagine how it can pick me out of all the people that must have
occupied it in that time.”


 I shrugged. “I’m guessing you used it a lot and other people haven’t. They
seem to find the oddest things worthy of note.”


 “Well, I suppose it is true that I used it more than most. That’s probably
how I know to find it still,” he replied thoughtfully.


 I nodded, continuing the explanation with another reason, “They also
remember the ‘different’ people, the ones who stand out somehow, I’m
actually not that surprised it remembers you.”


 ‘Sulky’ paused. “Stand out? I’m not sure...” he seemed to abruptly remember
what I had first said when meeting him. “Sulky. The niche remembers me as
Sulky, right?”


 I could feel my fur tingeing red again as I nodded. “Umm... yeah...”


 I was unprepared for the sudden laughter that came pouring out of his
mouth. He tried to get himself under control, saying, “If the librarian
hears me, it’s curtains.”


 I gave a slight smile at that. “True, libraries can get VERY anal about
noise...”


 Managing to get himself under control at last, he managed to reply
thoughtfully, “Still, Sulky... You know, I never would have thought of it
myself, but it is rather accurate once I think about it. And getting tagged
as Sulky by a window niche no less. Only in Metamor...”


 “Only in Metamor...” I agreed, chuckling as I replaced the last two books I
had borrowed. I paused for a moment, looking at him thoughtfully. “So what
IS your name anyway? I’ve been calling you Sulky in my head this entire
time.”


 “Lois. Well, Vincent Lois, but most everyone who knows me calls me by my
surname,” he said, holding out a hand for me to shake.


 “Well hello Lois, my name is Kit Calico, but I go by just Kit,” I replied,
taking it. Somewhere nearby I could hear a voice whisper <Talk to the hand,
for the hand says it all.> I frowned slightly, and looked at the hand I was
shaking. It was inside a glove so I had no idea what that meant, but it
might not be a good idea to pry in any case. Though in the meanwhile as I
made this decision, there was an awkward moment that ended when Lois took
back his hand.


 I blinked in surprise, focusing on the present as I realized Lois was
saying something. “… but I still have some reminiscing to do…” He gestured
at the book he had when I first saw him and one or two others besides.


 “Right,” I said, regathering my composure. “I’ve got to get going myself
actually, things to do and whatnot. Maybe I’ll see you around the keep
sometime,” and I walked out of the library, returning to my temporary home
for the night. I got back to find the bed was gone, but I guess I didn't
really need it anymore. Tonight I was going to try sleeping in the hole in
the wall and see how that worked out. Tomorrow morning I would meet with
Misha and move into the upper level of the shop that would be my new
livelihood for the foreseeable future. My debut in Metamor had been a
chaotic couple of weeks, but things were looking up now and the future
looked as bright as ever.


 The End


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