[Mkguild] The Illusive Chain: Ignorance (4/?)

[Azariah Wolf]

Bit of a longer part this evening.

-LurkingWolf

---

Lois looked around the room uncertainly once he had been left alone with 
Balrog.He seemed to immediately regret his decision to speak privately 
with the large man, and was looking around the room as though to find 
some sort of escape.Unfortunately, with just the bed and the side table 
in the room apart from the walls, there was no escape to be found.Not 
even a wardrobe stood in the room to give him a potential place to escape.

Fortunately, the man revealed no ill intentions in the absence of the 
others.He looked concerned, perhaps, but it seemed to genuinely be 
concern for the ermine and not that he might be found out for something.

"Do you really not recognize me, Lois?" he asked.

The ermine shook his head, keeping his eyes on the man to both be 
certain that he did not have any ill intentions and to see if any small 
nuance of Balrog's actions triggered some hidden memory.Unfortunately, 
there was no such development.

"I'm sorry, but I cannot recall ever having met you before in my 
life."He winced."To be honest, the same is true of almost everyone I 
have seen to this point."

"My name is Balrog.Do you remember that at least?"The answer was a quick 
shake of the head from his friend."Have there been any exceptions?Anyone 
you recognized since you regained consciousness?"

"I remembered Lucy," Lois admitted."I'm not certain why I remembered 
her.Perhaps it was because I was looking for a mage, and some part of me 
recalled that she was one."The ermine sighed."A theory and nothing 
more...I know of no reliable way that might allow me to make progress 
regaining my memory."

"Start with what you do remember," Balrog suggested.

The other man snorted derisively."That's more or less what Lucy told me. 
Would you like to see how much progress that helped me make?"

He took a small notebook from the bed where he had left it, leafing 
through its pages until he reached one that was not filled by Lucy's 
indecipherable script.This one instead had only a few words scrawled at 
the top, and nothing underneath.

"'Who is Vincent Lois?'" Balrog read from the page.He turned a few pages 
back and forth."Nothing else?"

Lois shook his head bitterly."Since she left me here alone with that 
book I've been trying to think of anything I might possibly be able to 
write.That I am a man, who for some reason is as much animal as he is 
human?Perhaps more if you talk to some..."He trailed of and made various 
frustrated, wordless gestures in the direction of the connecting hallway.

"Those are all things that anyone can see," Balrog noted.

"Exactly why I did not write them down."The ermine paced a few more 
steps across the front of the bed."Beyond what everyone can see, I know 
nothing about myself!At least nothing worth the writing."

Balrog nodded slowly, thinking to himself."Why did you write 'who is 
Vincent Lois?'Why not 'who am I?' or something to that effect?"

Lois took a breath."I know it may sound odd, but I did not even realize 
that Lucy was talking to me when she first called me by that name," he 
answered."Even now, even though I know that it is my name, and that I 
should answer to it, I continue to have a nagging feeling that it 
belongs to someone else."

Balrog took only a few moments to consider before he shook his head in 
disagreement."I first met you several years ago; it couldn't be less 
than five, I don't think.You called yourself Vincent Lois then and you 
still call yourself by that name here at the Keep.Either that is your 
name, or you have been using the same alias for a truly unfathomable 
length of time."

Lois shrugged."With what I know of myself, that might very well be the 
case," he said bitterly.

Balrog shook his head."I know that you must be frustrated, but you need 
to focus on what you know for certain, not wild theories that have no 
root in reality."He watched as Lois sat on the edge of the bed, nodding 
in a detached fashion.He realized with some chagrin that Alex and Lucy 
had not been wrong about their assessment of Lois' state.While he was 
human in size and speech, many subtle mannerisms combined with sharper 
facial features and a longer neck made the former assassin seem much 
closer to an animal than he had been prior to the events of the previous 
days.He wondered if perhaps the loss of memory was related to this fact, 
but he quickly realized that it mattered little regardless.He had no 
idea why either of the two issues was present regardless.

"Do you mind if I take a look at your Curse?" he asked.

The ermine shook his head."If you believe that it may be of some use, I 
see no reason why not.As I recall, however, no mage has been able to 
overturn the Curse despite nearly ten years' worth of attempts by every 
mage the Keep can offer."

"At least you remember that," Balrog said with a friendly smile.

"I believe I am owed a few such strokes of good fortune," Lois replied 
drily.

Balrog gave a soft chuckle in support of his friend, letting his gaze 
shift once again to look at the intertwining lines of magic that 
determined his friend's form.The ermine stood to give him a better 
vantage, but it mattered little.Although he had not lived in Metamor for 
long himself, the lutin had spent some time curiously dwelling on the 
intricacies of the Keep's infamous enchantment since that time.Despite 
this, his opinion remained unchanged between this and his previous 
inspection of Lois' form.There was nothing in the magic that seemed to 
differ in any significant way from the norm.Even the minute adjustment 
that they had made to restore him from his feral shape remained 
unaltered since that time.

"If it is any comfort, there is nothing wrong with your Curse," he said, 
returning his vision to the material world.

"Unfortunately, that also means that you have no idea why I should be 
without my memory, or why I should be more animal than man."Balrog 
conceded his point with a grimace, and Lois nodded with resignation."I 
suppose a magic cure for either affliction would be too convenient to 
expect."

"Sometimes we just have to do things the hard way," Balrog confirmed.

Lois scoffed and shook his head."You sound so certain that there is a 
way," he groused.

Balrog smiled."Someone once told me, 'you might have to clear some 
underbrush before you find it, but there is always a way.'"

"I said that, didn't I?" the ermine asked quietly.His forehead wrinkled 
in consternation, and he paced around in a circle for a few steps.Balrog 
left him to consider the question for a few moments, heeding Lucy's 
counsel to try to let Lois make his own connections as he regained his 
memory.

"I recall... a patrol?We were sitting outside of a tent discussing... 
some business or other, the details I cannot recall.I do remember saying 
that, however.You still weren't convinced."

Balrog chuckled."See, you can remember!Now, it wasn't exactly on patrol, 
but the confusion is understandable."The ermine raised an eyebrow and 
crossed his arms over his chest, awaiting an explanation."This happened 
several years before either of us came to Metamor permanently.We were in 
the field, yes, but not on a patrol as such."

Lois squinted as he thought, as though doing so would help him think."I 
remember having been human; in fact, I could not remember being an 
ermine when I first regained consciousness.Still, what little memory I 
have seems to focus on this Keep."He shrugged."There are bits and pieces 
of other memories, but everything else is indistinct, at best."

Balrog nodded sympathetically."It may take some time before you are able 
to recover your memory to anyone's satisfaction, but the rest of us are 
frankly quite relieved that you will have the opportunity to do so.These 
fetish stones that our enemies are using are devious creations.There was 
no certainty that you would ever recover your humanoid form.That you did 
in so brief a period is a wonder."

Lois nodded slowly, but he looked distracted.Finally, turning towards 
Balrog, he arched an eyebrow."Why haven't you changed?"

Balrog blinked in surprise."What?"

"If that night occurred before either of us came to Metamor, than 
neither of us should have been Cursed.I recall being human, although 
only just.You, however, I never recall being anything but a man.Why 
haven't you been changed by the Curse?"

Balrog gave a small smirk."Ah, that is a secret that we agreed we would 
never reveal.Perhaps you will recall, however, if I give you a small 
hint."With a small force of will, Balrog altered the illusion around his 
body so that just his ear reverted slightly to its true, pointed 
form.Lois did not notice for a few moments, until Balrog subtly gestured 
towards his ear.It still took a moment, but a look of dawning revelation 
appeared on Lois' face.

"You're a...!"

"Ah!"Balrog wagged a finger reprovingly as he allowed the illusion to 
return to full force."Remember, it's a secret."

Lois stopped when asked, clearly needing some time to come to terms with 
the realization.Finally he spoke, though slowly."I remember discovering 
that," he said quietly."I didn't tell anyone else; you were one of the 
best mages I had ever worked with, and I considered you a friend."He 
looked up at the stocky man."Do the others know?"

"If by the others you mean the Keep at large, no. Your patrol does, as 
does mine, but besides that I suspect only the Keep's intelligence 
community is privy to my secret."He shrugged."It's just as well for 
me.Some might understand, but Keepers have ever had a hostile 
relationship with lutins. I could not blame those who found it difficult 
to forgive and forget if I told them what I was."

Lois nodded."The ones who do know haven't given you any trouble yet?"

Balrog shook his head."So far they have been tremendously calm about 
it.I suspect that part of that was simply due to the fact that I am a 
mage with some knowledge of the Curse, but I doubt that this fact 
accounts for their lack of hostility entirely.I am grateful that Alex at 
least seems to be fully willing to respect the Keep's recent diplomacy 
attempts with my people."

"Alex..." The ermine turned his eyes again towards a nearby wall before 
returning them to Balrog's face."My commander; he's the lynx, isn't that 
right?"

Balrog nodded, smiling broadly."See? You are remembering things very 
quickly!"

Lois scoffed quietly."I am remembering fragments, names and the people 
to whom they belong are nothing.I remember only a few specific events, 
your revelation being the most familiar.Beyond that, there is a 
decades-long gap where my memories should be."He sighed."I hate to sound 
so desperate, but my mind just feels like a yawning void.If I don't get 
the memories back to where they belong, I feel like I will go mad!"

"I understand, Lois."Balrog carefully stepped forward, making certain 
that Lois did not feel threatened by his approach.The ermine did not 
react, and so the larger man gently laid a comforting hand on his 
friend's shoulder.He could feel the man's muscles tense erratically when 
he felt the contact of the disguised lutin's hand, but Lois made no 
attempt to dislodge it, and a few moments sufficed for him to calm 
enough to relax again.

"Thank you," the ermine said, sounding clearly shaken even as he tried 
to get ahold of himself.He shook his head."I suppose you would like to 
know why I was so angered by Lucy and Alex mentioning how much I looked 
like an animal?" he asked.

The lutin removed his hand from his friend's shoulder and shrugged 
broadly."I thought the reaction was reasonable given the circumstances."

Lois nodded."None of you were aware of the full extent of the 
circumstances, however," he noted.Taking Balrog's silence as a cue to 
continue, Lois said, "After Lucy left me here to look for you, I sat 
down and tried to write what I could remember in the notebook.As I tried 
to collect my memories, however, the only ones that were clear enough to 
give me a trail to follow were my memories of the moments after this... 
fetish spell, I think you called it?"Balrog nodded and Lois continued."I 
could only recall the moments after the fetish spell had affected me.It 
was something at least; I remembered a few moments of humanity at least, 
perhaps I could trace it back to discover more about my past.

"As it turned out, however, the only clear memories of those moments 
were the ones during and immediately following the spell's effects.As I 
recalled the moments when I was forced from man to animal, I found 
myself shrinking here, in this room, my form changing much as it had then."

Balrog winced."That is a function of the Curse, I am afraid," the lutin 
said, his voice consoling."An animal-Cursed Keeper is able to assume the 
form of that animal completely.I have not had that experience myself, 
but I hear that visualizing the change is the easiest way to trigger it."

The ermine nodded.He sat back down on the edge of the bed as he 
continued his story."I thought that whatever spell you had devised to 
rescue me had failed, and I soon found myself standing on four paws, 
trembling as I stepped out from under this robe.I was an animal, truly 
and thoroughly, and every moment I was terrified that the magic would 
exert its full force once more and rob me of my mind.I braced my will 
against that thought, and after a few moments of retaining my mind, I 
grew bold enough to try to will myself back to human form."

"It is good to see you succeeded."

"I had only just regained my current form a few moments before you 
arrived.The thought of it made their inspection sting, even if their 
words were true."He looked up at the lutin.He barely remembered the man, 
yet for some reason he felt safe confiding in him with his most 
troubling secrets."It is a comfort to know that such a change is normal 
in the Keep, at least."

Balrog nodded, rubbing his chin."Have you tried willing yourself to be 
more human than you currently are?" he asked after a moment's pause.

Lois nodded."I did everything I could to change myself back.To be 
honest, however..."He stopped, and then shook his head with a forlorn 
sigh."To be honest, I cannot even remember what I should look like as a 
human."He looked up at the lutin, the deep blue of his eyes almost 
mesmerizing."When I first awoke in this room I was surprised and 
mortified to find myself turned into an ermine, but now it is the only 
form I can recall even in part!"

Balrog frowned."Are you certain?"When the ermine nodded, the lutin 
arched an eyebrow and twirled one of the forks of his braided beard 
around his finger."How could a man so thoroughly forget his life, even 
so far as forgetting what he looked like?" he mused to himself.

"I wish I could tell," the mustelid replied."I fought the Curse for 
whatever headway it would give, and the only reason I stopped was 
because I could think of no further ground I could possibly gain."

Balrog nodded slowly.He hesitated for a moment, but finally he did sit 
down beside the troubled ermine.He turned and looked at his friend, even 
though Lois would barely lift his eyes to match his gaze.

"The Curse has troubled Keepers for nearly ten years now, and there's 
not a man or woman among the defenders that doesn't wish that things 
could be different somehow," he spoke softly."At the same time, it 
doesn't have to be a death sentence.It does not change who you are, not 
matter how much it changes your appearance.Understand, when Lucy and 
Alex were speaking of you having the proportions of an animal, they were 
doing it out of concern for you.They both have to deal with their own 
Curse as well, and it was due to their efforts that you have recovered 
your mind at all.They understand how it feels to question yourself 
because of how you've changed."

Lois nodded."I know.I do not believe that they meant any harm, but I 
barely even recall who I was, and I fear that the void will be filled 
with the animal."

Balrog nodded his understanding."If it is any comfort, there has never 
been a Keeper who has suffered such a fate, and I doubt that it will 
start with you."

Lois finally did turn and look at him in the eyes."Are you sure about 
that?If it had happened to them, how would they have communicated it to 
anyone else?"

A chill ran up the lutin's spine as he realized that he could not 
definitively say that it had never happened to anyone in the 
Keep.Fortunately, this realization brought with it a renewed resolve.

"Lois, I will not let it happen to you," he promised.

For a moment, Balrog thought that his friend would press him further on 
the matter.After a brief silence, however, Lois nodded and gave a small 
smile.

"I believe you," he said."Perhaps that makes me a fool, but I need 
something to hold onto if I want to keep my sanity.I trust you."

Balrog smiled."I will not let you down."

In the back of his mind, the lutin wondered how he could possibly hope 
to keep those promises beyond the possibility of failure.It did not take 
him long to decide that this possibility was insignificant beside his 
obligation to his friend.
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