[Mkguild] Trust I

[Bill Kieffer aka Greyflank]

This is weird.  I am not getting the postings for Trust at all... only the replies.  
(and yes, I checked the spam filters)


-Greyflank

----------------------------------------
> Date: Sat, 18 Jul 2015 06:06:07 -0400
> To: jackthefrilledlizard at yahoo.com; mkguild at lists.integral.org
> From: jagille3 at vt.edu
> Subject: Re: [Mkguild] Trust I
>
> At 08:57 PM 7/14/2015, Jack Moore wrote:
>
>>Trust
>>
>>To My Friend in the North
>>
>>Yes I know the last letter didn't make me sound good but it wasn't
>>supposed to. It's something I suspect Eli and I will discuss when I
>>meet Him. The crushing of the Host is something I still regret, but
>>there is no way for me to undo it. It was how I acted and I can't undo it.
>>
>>And it is a sign of Eli's eternal mercy that the first time I steped
>>in to the Keep chapel that Yahshua didn't come off the cross and
>>beat me. I deserved it. And Nemo had every right to be mad at me.
>>
>>Patric especially, though. I wanted to apologize to him almost right
>>away but it was two weeks before I saw him again. In that time I
>>managed to annoy two people. The first was Sir Egland, the
>>second...a very well known vulpine.
>>
>>I want to discuss neither of these incidents but I have to. I might
>>as well start with the first, the time I met Sir Egland. He talked
>>to me, challenged me and then I vomited on him.
>
> This introduction made me laugh a good bit. Ack, lizard vomit
> awaits! How can I resist! LOL!
>
>
>>March 28th, 707
>>
>>The sun slipped into my room from a small window above my bed. I
>>couldn't remember if the window had been there yesterday, but it was
>>now. It gave me some badly needed light but it also brought in the cold air.
>>
>>My tail ached badly even though I was no longer sitting on it. The
>>tip dragged the ground, so I had to either walk with it up or endure.
>
> You're missing a word here: "dragged along the ground" or "dragged
> across the ground"
>
>>"Yeah wait and see." I tied my other foot up. "Perfect!" My feet
>>were wrapped in linens, held in place by crisscrossing leather
>>straps. They had grown to twice their previous length. Tying them up
>>caused my new claws to rub against my toes.
>>
>>"What do you think?" I asked my rodent friend. He took one look and
>>curled into a ball. I rolled my eyes. "Be completely honest, don't
>>hold anything back." I wrapped my skirt around me, trying still to
>>hide my tail. This despite its increased length. I might as well
>>have been trying to hide it with air.
>
> And here I thought it was a sarong and not a skirt. The cracks in
> his invented reality continue to spread!
>
>>"This still doesn't feel real..." I had purchased a scarf yesterday,
>>during a very brief excursion to the Market Square. I felt calmer
>>wrapping this aba around my neck since it hid the spines. Now only
>>my head was uncovered.
>
> "aba" => "about"
>
>>"My hairline is receding." I felt along the top of my skull. Yep, it
>>was vanishing and fast. My eyebrows had already disappeared. This
>>curse had taken my home, my way of life, my title and now my hair.
>>
>>Truly its evil knew no bounds.
>
> Not content with merely everything you knew before, but it also had
> to go for the hair. The dastardly horror! Most of us have to wait
> until we're forty for that to start happening. ;-)
>
>>"Know what I want to do?" The rat cocked his little head. "I'd like
>>to go hawking today." I grinned. "There's nothing quite like a day
>>spent with your hawk. My current one is Ulysses.
>>
>>"He's this...red-tailed hawk I've had for almost two years. He
>>uh...he's great. Just watching him fly" I shook my head, "I could do
>>it all day. I swear."
>>
>>Hawking is the greatest of all the pastimes. Hunting with arrows is
>>a bloody, violent past time I despise. I've never liked killing, but
>>when hawking at least the hawk can get a meal out of this.
>>
>>When you're hawking you are free. In the field, the wind blowing
>>through your hair and the hawk screeching as it circles above you,
>>you are at peace. You can forget your father's obsessive grooming
>>you to take over for him, your place in an Empire you don't know.
>>
>>"I don't think Duke what's his name even knows how to go hawking." I
>>said. "Who is running this place?" I scratched my head. "Nemo said
>>he was a horse...nope don't remember.
>>
>>"How can Duke Clip-Clop be a ruler and not enjoy hawking? It's
>>insane." Not as insane as was calling him Duke Clip-Clop to his face.
>>
>>Which I did.
>>
>>But not for a few months.
>
> First off, I love this depiction of hawking. It shows him to be that
> spoiled Lord's brat and very human at the same time. We see
> something he enjoys doing, something that makes him feel like
> himself. This makes it all the more sad that he likely doesn't have
> his hawk anymore because this is exactly the sort of thing we'd like
> to see him get the chance to do!
>
> And calling Thomas Duke Clip-Clop is actually really funny right now
> because Thomas is still under the halter's influence and in another
> month will nearly succumb. If he'd done it now Thomas probably would
> have reacted with a bemused, faraway grin. Not so much in a few months. ;-)
>
>>"I need out of this room." I stretched and stood. "I need a whore
>>very badly. I need a whore, where is the brothel?" I yawned. "God
>>almighty. Think think, think...oh I know where it is!"
>>
>>Yesterday I had heard someone discussing a business somewhere in
>>Euper. From the name, I knew it had to be a brothel. "It's called
>>the Jolly Collie inn! How can it not be a brothel?"
>>
>>In my defense, that does sound like the name of a brothel.
>
> ROTFLMTO!!!!
>
>>"I'll find the brothel and then I'll...maybe I'll fuck a dog girl."
>>I shrugged. "Never done that before. What do you think?" My rat
>>sniffed curiously. I smiled and stroked his fur.
>
> And that touching moment of humanity is flushed away.
>
>>"Well you're becoming a lizard-
>>
>>"I am not!"
>
> Slipping back from Anger to Denial I see.
>
>>-And as a lizard you will not be able to handle cold temperatures.
>>So this" He gestured at the floor, "needs to change. I'd recommend
>>we go find something, carpeting, thrushes, sand or something else."
>
> Thrushes or sand probably fits their budget better. In this age
> carpeting would still be very expensive.
>
>>"Actually no. I'm tired but not bad tired. I just feel peculiar." He
>>held up his hands. "My skin is less rugose. I wonder, perhaps a
>>result of this beneficent place?" I rolled my eyes.
>>
>>"Can't you just say stuff without me wondering what you're talking
>>about?" Nemo shrugged.
>
> This is why some folks are having trouble knowing who is
> speaking. You haven't noted who is speaking, but you mention the
> other person in the narrative description. I recommend trying to
> make it more obvious who is speaking, by noting what they are doing
> while they are speaking. Reactions are fine, but when the only
> person you mention when person A is speaking is person B then things
> get confusing.
>
> I do observe that in other parts of this conversation you do have "I
> said" show up a few times and that's good. No need to go overkill on
> it, just keep a wary eye on it.
>
>>"And it just...it sucks! I can't fix it! I don't want to fucking be
>>here! I want to burn this place, this Keep and my fucking tail!"
>>
>>"I didn't know you had grown a tail." I cocked my head.
>>
>>"Excuse me?" Nemo smiled.
>>
>>"I'd like to see you wear fewer rags. I bet your tail looks
>>magnificent on you." It does look fantastic on me now. Then though
>>it was a fleshy nuisance wrapped in scales, a reminder of my beastly fate.
>>
>>"I thought I told you about this..." Nemo shook his head. "Well I
>>did, I've got a fucking tail and no you can't see it. You wanna see,
>>grow one of your own." Nemo sighed.
>
> This section above here is probably the worst for what I meant. In
> context I know who is who, but if you didn't, it'd be very easy to
> think the opposite person is speaking each line and then get confused by it.
>
>>"I would be so lucky. I suspect I am not though James." He untied
>>our money bag, at his waste as always, and pulled out a few shiny
>>coins. Silver I believe maybe a few coppers. "James you need to
>>learn to prioritize and I need to know I can trust you. I want to
>>give you this money but I know what you will use it for."
>
> "waste" => "waist"
>
>>"I admire your bravado. One thing I'm going to purchase today is a
>>pot. We might need one."
>>
>>"Yeah yeah." I stood up. "Look thanks for the money, I won't
>>disappoint you. Promise."
>>
>>And I did intend to keep that promise. I really did. Just...things happened.
>
> LOL! What a great line to end things on here. Ah, James, we go from
> feeling sorry for you and wanting to cheer you up to rolling our eyes
> and wanting to give you a good slap to wake you up. Apart from the
> few things I noted I think this is going very well, Jack!
>
> May He bless you and keep you in His grace and love,
>
> Charles Matthias
>
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