[Mkguild] Trust III

[Jack Moore]

AN: My computer sent this before I finished formatting, please disregard

Trust - III

Kaysar sleeping allowed me to light a fire in our chimney. Nothing quite
feels as good as roaring fire on cold scales and aching bones. This I never
realized as a human but now I don't know how I missed it.

Not only that but the wood you burn feels different every time. A hickory
fire like I burned tonight burned long and sent up a faint scent that
calmed my heart. Ironwood, though, is the absolute best to burn, giving off
no scent but lots of heat.

These are the things you start to focus on as a lizard; heat becomes so
much more important for you. By comparison, food becomes something that you
only indulge in because you have to, not because you care about any
particular taste.

In general as a lizard, what you focus on is function rather than feeling.
Many things lose their luster as a lizard as your sense of taste and smell
die. But you appreciate new things even more, that makes all the difference.

For me the change had brought on an increase to my sense of sight and a
slight increase to hearing, while my sense of taste was all but dead. I
could recognize individual heartbeats now, I could tell Kaysar's from out
of a crowd.

I wish I had heard the bull's heartbeat. I waited for tonight's entry in my
journal to dry before moving on to the next one. That would have made my
whole day easier. My claws scrapped at the wooden surface of my desk.
Sergeant Janelle, I could be Sergeant Janelle before the year-ends.

My tail thumped on the ground as I started on the next page. As a Corporal
I usually went on patrol but occasionally my superiors called me on to
investigate specific crimes.

As a Sergeant I would investigate exclusively. This meant shorter hours but
at the same time more work. As a Corporal, my work stayed at the Watch,
when I left I was off duty. If I got the green coat, it meant I was on duty
even when not at work.

Eli I don't know what to do. I dropped my quill and buried my face in my
claws. Do your will Eli even if it isn't mine. I know that much. I have to
be Justicar, if there is any chance to fix this broken system I will do it.
So this is the start.

The fire began to go dim so I dropped another log in. As I watched it burn,
my thoughts switched to Triche. At least I'm not the only one who
recognizes it.

Triche was not what I expected, not in the least. I expected someone
bureaucratic and disconnected from those who actually went on patrol.
Someone who didn't know their ass from their tail in all honesty.

But he knew that the three justice system doesn't work. I sat back down but
left my journal untouched. And... "And can I help fix it?" I glanced back
at the door to my son's room. "Can I help to fix a system that doesn't
work?"

And mentor that bull in the use of his powers? I remember how long it took
Mr. Sotto to train me, now I'm going to do it myself. Five years, five long
years of intense training to get my abilities to where they are.

Five years living outside of society, staying hidden from people and
training in the woods. Five years of deliberately channeling spirits into
my body and forcing them out, having to get Mr. Sotto's help to remove them.

Five years when I was never sure I would get back to Metamor alive. I was
younger then, not employed and...

"I can do that..." My voice wavered as I spoke. "It'll take longer, won't
be as intense but I can do it."

And can I still have the focus to raise my son? I swallowed. "Of course I
can, I can do all these things. I've been trained..."

I've been trained to be a good solider, a good Warden but there is only so
much I can do... I shook my head.

"I can be all these things at once and survive. I can be a Sergeant a
mother and a teacher." A statement of fact that was firm as iron.

"You're only human Janelle." Mr. Sotto said to me in my mind. "Don't ever
forget that, there has to be more to your life than just what you are doing
now. At the same time you can't let long term goals consume you."

"But I'm not." I said to myself. "I...I'll pray on this. I'll let Eli speak
to me."

Most Followers have spiritual councilors, people they can speak to about
their problems and get advice. But I have no one, just my faith and hope
for a better future. That's all I need though.
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