[Mkguild] Trust IV

[Jack Moore]

AN: This was the hardest section to write. Please if you can comment on
anything please comment on this.

Trust - IV

The morning of the 29th the sun hung high. Unlike the day before the clouds
had parted and it was unseasonably warm. Bad for many but fantastic for me,
I could lay and bask all morning.
For now I had set up a large blanket on the least rocky section of grass.
The blanket was an old and ratty cream thing that smelled of various
animals. Instead of my uniform I wore a relatively clean mustard yellow
blouse with a leather belt around my waste. My knife also was strapped to
it because you should never go anywhere without a weapon. My pants were
ugly brown britches with a button up behind to fit my fin through.

Behind me the Keep rose up, an imposing and eternal thing that seemed to
grow right out of the ground. I didn't have to worry about it, though, for
now it was all about my son and me.

While I sat on the blanket Kaysar ran through the grass. A single beige
tunic almost tented his tiny form. It didn't slow him down, though. Pure
energy carried Kaysar as he chased things.

'He's so small.' Kaysar leapt and cupped his hands over something. He
landed on two legs and his claws dug into the dirt. 'He looks so fragile
but he isn't. He'll grow bigger in time.'

"I got a butterfly!" Kaysar chirped as he ran over to me.

"You did?" I smiled. "Come on, show me." He came to me with his hands
cupped together. As soon as he opened them a yellow and black butterfly
fluttered away. Kaysar watched it and laughed. "Guess you'll have to go get
another."

"Kay." Kaysar took off, tail twitching with joy as he leapt and hunted
those accursed butterflies. I lay on my side (tail made it impossible to do
anything else) and watched his fun.

"Was I ever able to be that amused?" I shifted on the blanket in an
attempted to get blood flowing into my tail. "It would have been a long
time ago." Kaysar stumbled and fell. Before I could get up he had recovered
and was back to running.

"Good boy Kaysar." I lay back on my side. "He's resilient, I need to not
worry...growing his first spots...What do I do when he finally grows up?"
My heart began to pound in my chest. "I can't think about that right now."

So instead, I let Kaysar play and thought of my other problems. Again I was
transported to the past, the sun transitioning back into the full moon. The
cold white moon, bathing us in a light of ice.

"You're slipping Janelle. You need to keep your body still at all times." I
stood on a stump, half awake with my arms outstretched. I was holding
something, rocks? Maybe it was buckets of water, my mind had long sense
gone numb.

"I'm trying." My body wasn't the main problem. No the problem was my mind.

All across my body spirits scraped at me. The forest we stood in was
reputed to be haunted and I could now confirm it. Exhaustion threatened to
knock me down but I fought on, standing up straight and proud.

I could no longer see Mr. Sotto because my eyes had quit processing. My
tunic clung to me and my skin shone with sweat. Yet I held the position
that Mr. Sotto ordered, I had no choice. This was the training I had to
strengthen both my mind and my body.

"I can feel one trying to force his way in." I stammered. This new spirit
drilled at the back of my skull. "I'm so tired, please can we stop." My
legs had begun shaking.

"Janelle if you sleep here a spirit will get into you while you sleep."
Sotto said. "We will go someplace else when we are done. But you are going
to hold that position for twenty four hours."

"Haven't I done that?"

"Almost." Twigs snapped behind me as Sotto moved around. "Remember, the
point of this training is to strengthen your abilities in resisting the
influence of spirits. Your mind and your body are tied together Janelle."

"You never had to do this." I grumbled.

"I did it to myself Janelle. You forget; I wouldn't do anything to you that
I couldn't do myself. Now hold steady" Using what little willpower I still
had my arms stopped trembling. "Good girl."

"No problem." I forced a smile. Can you see me smiling? Just for you. I
felt his hands along my arms, against my cold skin. They fell away. Come
on, I'm smiling for you.

"Remember to Snap when you feel a spirit trying to penetrate your mind. You
can keep them at bay even when exhausted."

"I just don't know why I have to be exhausted to do it." Above us the stars
had blinked out but the moon still floated. It wasn't hazy or blocked, I
could see it perfectly. Since I had lost Sotto to the night I focused on
the moon.

'It looks like it did back in Metamor. I have to go back soon...'

Then I had been eighteen and it was eight years ago. I had been in training
since Sotto had found me at age thirteen and in a few months I would return
back to Metamor. Every day that rattled through my mind and the dread was
growing stronger.
What will I do there? Will I know anyone there? I shifted on my stump. What
do I do for work? I can't tell them about my abilities. No one would want
to have a Loony around.
"This exercise we do will help you in multiple ways, keep your knees
steady." I pulled them back together. "Your body will remain steady and
people will see that. They will not see the anxiety you feel."
"I can bluff them." I said. My face felt like there was a sack pulled over
it. I keep it as blank as possible. "My everything is in pain."

"You'll get used to it." Sotto said. "Remember Janelle, I won't always be
here. I'm training you so that when you're on your own you will be
alright." I nodded, letting my red hair flop about.

There's nothing quite like having a head full of hair and then losing it to
scales. Now I have only faint memories but sometimes I can still feel my
red hair fluttering behind me.

"We'll rejoin the other three in a few days." Sotto said. "I'll present you
to the other Loonies as a fully trained one of our number." He began to
play his flute again behind me, pausing only to talk. "Janelle tell me, how
do you spot a new one of our number?"

"They'll begin Tapping unconsciously." I said. My arms burned and were
about to collapse. "We know how it feels and can identify them by being
Tapped by them."

"Very good Janie. I'm still working on a better method but for now this is
how we find others with our-cough-our gift." Sotto began to cough
uncontrollably but I didn't turn around. I had been told not to move so I
wasn't going to move.

"After we meet with the others again you will have to return home. Our
training is almost at an end, there is nothing more for you to learn. You
are a very good student Janelle." I grinned.

"I can't believe it's almost over. I just can't." A spirit slammed into my
mind hard enough to almost send me off the stump. I Snapped it out with a
single blow, keeping my mind clear.

Most people aren't naturally susceptible to spirits without inviting them
in. Because my soul is partially unstuck in my body, they can force their
way into my mind at any time.

Snapping is the way you keep a spirit out if you have my abilities. As one
of Mr. Sotto's other pupils described it, it's like using your will power
to palm strike a spirit and knock them away.

This ability unsurprisingly is a lot easier when you're wide-awake. I knew
Sotto was right; I wouldn't always have the option to be well rested. I had
to be ready any time. I just wish he had selected a place with fewer
spirits for me to test my Snapping.

"We're almost done Janelle. You've done a magnificent job."

"Thank you sir." I could hear him sit down on a rock behind me. His eyes
bored into my back until they stared at my soul. "How long has it been
since we were with the other three?"

"You don't need to call me sir." Sotto said. "At least not while we're
training, save that for later."

"No problem." I stammered. No the only problem was keeping still as my head
began to swirl.

"It's been more than a year at least." Sotto said as I Snapped at another
spirit. "The four of you are the beginning of my mage clan. You know that
of course." I nodded. "You're the beginning of our clan, like those that
are so old they have no records of their beginning. They started like we
are now."

"But they have knowledge of their abilities, they have years of tradition
and they are established." I swallowed. "Do you think we'll be like them?"

"Eventually yes. Though none of us will live to see it." I nodded. "That's
your responsibility Janelle. In fact it's the responsibility of all four of
you. You must find others with our abilities and recruit them. After I die,
you will have to train them." My heart froze in my chest.

"Are you ready for that Janelle?"

"Always...I'm always ready." The moon rippled above me and turned back into
the sun. I re-emerged into the day, with the same arms and legs but a new
tail. "Always ready. Yeah right."

Kaysar stumbled into a summersault. In seconds he was up and running again.
I smiled. "No, this is the moment I'd live in if I could."

My son has always enjoyed any time we can spend outside of the keep. Just
running through the grass in the sun brings a smile to his face. I used to
panic any time he fell over until I realized he enjoyed it.

"He's a tough little civet." I mumbled. "A lot tougher than I was at that
age." Now Kaysar had run over to a tree and was attempting to climb. But
there were no branches and his little claws weren't helping him.
Still, watching Kaysar cling to the bark was hysterical. I wish I could
capture that moment and pull it out anytime I feel bad. My son, framed by
light and with a huge grin on his face.
"I have to make this work some how." Kaysar leapt off and landed on all
fours. Back to running after whatever held his attention. "A Sergeant and a
mother will be hard and I'm going to add training someone to that list? I
can do it, I can do anything."
I reached out and Tapped my son's mind as he ran. No thoughts came back to
me, at least not coherent thoughts. Instead I caught snippets of words and
a wash of emotions. The biggest ones were happiness at being outside and a
burning warmth that flowed into my mind.
'I haven't ruined him yet.' I smiled at Kaysar. 'He loves me, I am his
mother and I've not messed up in that roll.' I sat up with my tail sticking
straight out behind me. "Kaysar! It's time for lunch."
"Comin' mamma." Kaysar ran towards me and switched between four legs and
two. I wonder if he feels drawn to four legs, I more wonder if he cares.
Kaysar scrambled onto our blanket as I pulled out our meal.
Meats, bread and a medley of collard and mustard greens Mrs. Aubrah fixed
and none of this food made by me. I left the sweets in the basket. Kaysar
began to devour it greedily. I ate much slower.

'This doesn't seem too hard to make.' I glanced up at my son who had
fragments of food sticking to his fur. 'He'll eat anything I bet. I bet he
likes my cooking.'
"Kaysar," He looked up, "The last time your momma made soup, did you like
it?" He giggled.
"It was bad mamma!" I guess that answers my question. Kaysar had almost
finished his lunch and had completely ignored the vegetable medley Mrs.
Aubrah fixed. I took a bite of it myself.
"Pretty good. Kaysar eat the vegetables too." He whimpered.
"But they bad mamma."
"Eat." I said in a stern voice. That got him going. They vanished into
Kaysar's rapidly moving maw. I stroked the fur on top of his head. "That
wasn't too bad now was it?"
"Nah." Kaysar looked up at me. I smiled. He licked my face. Something else
I'll have to try and understand.
"Kaysar, do you like being out here with me?" Kaysar nodded rapidly and his
little eyes never left my face. "You know your mamma loves you very much."
"I know mamma." His face lit up in a massive smile. I pulled him against my
chest and stroked his fur. "Mamma?"
"Just know I love you." I said. "And if your mom has to work more or is a
lot busier that doesn't mean anything's changed." Kaysar kept smiling and
obviously didn't understand. "I just might be busy soon. But I still love
you."
"I love you too Mamma!" My mask of serenity shattered as I blinked back
tears. My son nuzzled into my chest. I stroked down his back and let my
claws pull knots in his fur loose.
"Well I've got something special for you." I said as my son looked up.
"Gregor the baker told me," I reached into the basket, "that you would
enjoy this." I handed one cinnamon roll to my son. Kaysar's eyes lit up.
"Now eat it slowly." Kaysar's little paws sunk into the roll and oozed
frosting over them. He started licking at it as fast as he could. "Yep you
are getting a bath tonight."
Kaysar ignored me and instead buried his muzzle into the roll. I picked
mine out and took a big bite. My heart skipped a beat. Even at half a day
old this was delicious. "We'll have to thank Gregor."
"Kay!" Kaysar's fur was streaked with frosting and his little body looked
sticky. I just laughed at it.
"If I were a cat myself I suppose I'd lick you clean." Kaysar went back to
devouring. I kept every spot of frosting from falling onto me as I ate.
Soon we both finished and my son was licking his fur.
"Stop, stop!" I laughed. "You'll give yourself a bald spot." Kaysar looked
up with his tongue out. I laughed again. "You enjoyed it?"
"Yeah! I want more!"
"Maybe later." I said. Kaysar nodded and nestled his sticky head against my
chest. I stroked his fur down to his back and we watched the valley
together. More butterflies fluttered by. My son watched and I watched him.
"You want to see one?" I asked.
"Yeah!" I kissed the top of his head and felt his tail thump against my
lap. "I didn' catch."
"I know." I said. "But your mom, she's a little bit special." Mentally I
reached out from my body and brushed against the insect.
'Janelle there are many ways you can use your power. And there are many
ways you can abuse it.' One yellow and brown striped butterfly snapped to
life suddenly, wavering back and forth in mid-air.
"Come on now." I whispered. The mind of a butterfly is not so much a mind
as it is awareness. The butterfly did not think but felt things and went
with whatever feeling was strongest in its mind.
I Burrowed into this with my mind. I could manipulate what it felt with
little effort and soon had it turned towards us.
'Towards the living one of the worst abuses you can do is take control of
their mind Janelle. To manipulate the emotions and thoughts of your fellow
man is to serve the Daedra.'
The butterfly was essentially my puppet. I had to be careful though because
if I caused it to panic I could kill it. No I needed it over here.
Slowly the butterfly fluttered over to us. Kaysar watched in silence as it
landed on his chest. He looked up at me and I smiled.
"Go ahead, be gentle though." I soothed the butterfly's mind, keeping it
calm even as my son stroked its wings. Sorry Sotto but I want my son to
have a good time. I Released the butterfly.
Suddenly it sprung back to life and fluttered away. My son laughed and
tried to grab it but he missed. I let out a deep breath as my heart began
to race. Manipulating the mind of something so small seems easy but it
isn't.
I have next to no experience with doing this and that's a good thing. Mr.
Sotto is right that it is an evil action. But today I needed my son to have
a good time so I did something wrong.
'I'll confess about this later. Do you need to go to confession for mind
control? Probably.' Kaysar gave another laugh that caused his frosting
coated fur to shake. 'But look at my son's face. He's so happy. Is their
anything wrong with doing good like this? Especially when it hurts no one?'
In hindsight I see how arrogant I was to ask that. It can hurt people and I
would learn that soon. But then I couldn't see it.
All I could see was my son. I love you so much Kaysar.
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