[Mkguild] Patrol XVI

[Jack Moore]

AN: I've begun working on my next story. Fingers crossed I can do at least
1000 words a day and finish it sooner rather than later.

Patrol XVI

Manor, May 21st
I woke up that day like the others. The servants came in to dress me, but I
barely noticed them. In fact I couldn't feel anything.
Every second was a blur. Every moment was dullness. I wanted to curl up
into a ball and die. But I kept standing and letting them dress me. As my
trio of dressers left, a knight entered.
"Alright Vent," I said, turning to face him, "What's the-
"I'm not Vent." Sir Enfer said. I swallowed. "I've been assigned to be your
temporary guardian. Until your father decides on a permanent one." He
gestured at me to follow him, then turned and left. I had to run to keep up.
"First up is your history lessons young lord." Sir Enfer said. "Then sword
fighting." I sighed.
"Whatever." He turned to me.
"I was under the impression you hated sword fighting." Enfer said. "Is
something wrong." I turned, then kicked him in the leg. Enfer didn't react
but he did stop. "You're angry about something young Lord."
"My best friend was just killed!" I yelled. "What do you think I'm mad
about?" Enfer shrugged.
"He was a traitor and an attempted murderer. I'm not sad that he's dead." I
growled.
"Sir Tallis was the only person here who cared about me and I...I" I broke
down and started to sob. "I miss him." I wept hard, almost collapsing onto
the floor. Sir Enfer grabbed my arm.
"Now none of that." Enfer said, his voice firm but not uncaring. "If your
father sees you cry, he will make your life miserable." Enfer reached down
and wiped the tears off of my face. "Take a moment, gather yourself." I
nodded.
'You're just my father's puppet...you don't care about me...' I looked up
at his face. His blue eyes were stern, but also concerned. 'Do you care?'
"James what I am about to say to you is one of the most crass things you
will ever hear. It is also true. Your guardian's death you are just going
to have to get over."
"Get over it! I can't-" Sir Enfer held up a hand.
"You are going to be a Lord James, one of the High Lords of the Empire. No
matter what, that carries some significance. It also means over the course
of your life, you will see many people die."
"Many people?" I asked.
"More than you would want to believe." Sir Enfer said. "The only way you
are going to survive is by becoming hard as the stones of this keep. You
have to be unbreakable." I nodded. "Can you do that?" I shook my head.
"I can't."
"You can James." Enfer said. "You just haven't leaned how to. I promise I
will help you."
Sir Enfer's heart was in the right place, but he was wrong. I've survived,
but never become like a stone. I can remember everyone, every death I
caused, every person I've seen killed. Names, faces, I know all of it. I
can never forget.
But because I don't forget, I don't forget them. Because I remember, they
live on in my memories.
"Now," Sir Enfer said, "Let's get on with today's activities. And if there
is enough time, at the end of the day," He smiled, "I promise you will have
time with your bird." Usually I would have smiled at this, but not today.
At least it was something.


Metamor Keep, April 1st 707
"I killed him." I repeated as Brightleaf and Nemo lead me away. I repeated
this over and over, as Nemo took my bloody skirt off. As I tried to explain
to Brightleaf what happened all I could see was his dead eyes. "I killed
him. I killed a man!"
"It was him or you." Brightleaf said. His voice was calm and his
countenance firm. "You did what you had to do. Don't feel bad about that."
I looked him in the eye for the first time since being brought out of the
woods.
For the first time I really saw Brightleaf's scared face. His cut ear and
fur patched with battle wounds contrasted against my smooth scales. Each
knick on his body or scar that emerged from his fur made my heart pound.
Brightleaf and I were standing just inside Metamor Keep. The sun had not
risen to its full height. Brightleaf himself looked tired but steady. I
meanwhile tried to keep from breaking down.
"I didn't have to kill him."
"Then he would have you. Did you want to die?" I gave him a look of
disgust. "It's not easy killing people James. But you didn't have a choice.
Tell yourself that." Brightleaf's words were direct. He didn't worry about
the ramifications of killing. He saw things as what needs to be done and
what is done.
I did not.
"I killed someone." I stammered. I felt Nemo's hand on my shoulder but I
brushed him off. "I killed him he was my age and I killed him and oh gods."
I couldn't scream or cry or do anything. All I could do was see it.
Those mad dead eyes.
The morning sun was cold white and the light seemed over bright. The wind
crashed against the gate door and whistled through every crack. Nemo and
Brightleaf both stood like trees. I shook like a leaf.

That wretched morning is a patchwork in my mind. I don't remember where the
others on my patrol went or what happened to the boy I killed. I do
remember the frozen wind that bit at me; I remember the smell of warm blood
all over me. In the haze of memories I can feel the sticky hatchet handle
still in my hand.
"We can go over this later-" Brightleaf began.
"He didn't know what he was doing." I stammered. "Oh gods he was my age. He
didn't want to die! I-I didn't want to kill him!" I think I threw up then,
I don't remember.
I did start to wail then.
At some point I must have stopped because I remember Nemo leading me home.
I didn't see anyone from the patrol heading home. What I did remember was
how the sun made the ground shine. How each building gave off stripes of
shadow that chilled me to the bone.
The faces turned into a blur as we passed. Just eyes and bodies. Each eye
looked at me and every finger seemed to point. They see what I've done.
They have to know I'm covered in blood.
"It's going to be okay." Nemo reassured me. "I promise."
"You don't know that." I snarled. "It's never going to be okay! Nothing is
ever going to be okay again!" I let out another wail. "I need out of here!
I need to go right now!" I didn't make a move away from Nemo.
"You'll be okay." Nemo said. I dropped my head. My tail dragged behind and
my arms became two pillars I dragged along. Nemo supported my shaking legs
as I entered our dwelling.
"You'll be okay." Nemo said again. I didn't say a thing. I kept my gaze
focused on the ground. My head was spinning so fast if I looked up I was
bound to fall over. "I promise you will be okay. The first time you kill
someone is always the hardest." I looked up.
"The first time? That wasn't the first time, that was the last time." I
shook my head. "I won't kill someone again." Oh how sure I was at that
moment.
Our home was black and ice cold. Nemo sat me at the table and went over to
our fire pit. In a few minutes he had a roaring fire going. Its radiant
warmth didn't break through my soaked wet dress.
"You'll need to change clothes." Nemo said. "You have another dress in your
room, I'll go get it." I didn't respond to him. I dug my claws into the
wooden table and began to shave off parts of the old wood.
"I was finally starting to enjoy these things." I pressed my hands flat
against the table, finally letting go of the hatchet. My fingers once
stubby were now spindly. Nails once cut short were now pointed claws. White
skin had given away to green gray scales instead. "This will never be okay.
It's over." I stood up from the table.
Nemo almost bumped into me as I headed to my room. "Oh hey I got your-" I
pushed past him and shut the door behind me. Nemo kept talking but I didn't
want to hear it anymore.
"James..." Nemo whispered, laying his head against the door. "You will be
okay. I promise..." He rubbed his aching eyes. "I don't know how to fix
this. I don't...I can though. I will fix this." Nemo returned to the table
and pulled the hatchet free. "I can fix everything."
Nemo's heart still had not calmed down he noted as he retreated to his own
room. He sat the hatchet beside his door and grit his teeth.
"Ever-everything will be-will be" Suddenly Nemo was aware of nothing but
the sound of his heart and sweat pouring down the back of his head.
"Wha-what's happening?"
Suddenly the area around his temples began to itch like crazy. Nemo
scratched at it, only to find hair falling out at his touch. "What? Bu-but
I'm becoming younger aren't I? How can I..." He trailed off. I'm not
becoming younger. I'm changing as well.
It was then that the first wave of change hit Nemo. This inhuman sensation
that he could only describe as the feeling of change. It dropped Nemo to
his knees in the middle of the room, sending his head spinning.
"Eli..." Nemo whispered. "Madeline..." Those were the only words he could
rasp out as his nails drew into claws.
James transformation had been slow. From this Nemo had learned all
transformations were slow and drawn out. Only now did the curse of Metamor
Keep show him just how wrong he was.
Nemo managed to remain conscious as all the changes hit him at once. He
finally fell asleep when his new tail dragged against the stone floor.
While this went on I went through my own drama.
I peeled my skirt and shirt off. My bed was more beautiful than I had ever
seen before. I pulled my blankets onto my bare scaled body. "It's all over."
"Squeak?" I looked down at the foot of my bed. My gray rat friend stood on
his hind legs looking up at me. He cocked his head and hopped up my body. I
stroked his oddly clean fur.
"Hey there." He shivered as I ran my claw down his back. "I really needed
you. Just someone who isn't going to tell me everything will be okay." I
swallowed. "Because it won't be okay."
I began to cry again. "Oh gods it'll never be okay again. It's all over. My
life really is over." My rodent friend rubbed himself against me, trying to
comfort me. I completely lost it until my body was wracked with sobs.
I will finish my first cycle with my next letter. For now I will leave you
with the image of my younger self, sobbing on his bed and wishing to
disappear.
I have killed since then; I have killed many times. Yet with ease I can
draw each name from the confines of my mind. When I close my eyes, I see
their accusing faces. I will carry them with me and Saphir's face will be
one of the brightest of them.
Despite that I no longer accept guilt. Brightleaf was right; Saphir would
have killed me had he acted first. That's not of much comfort when the
blood is fresh on you. In time, though, when it has been washed off you can
know there was no other choice.
Humans are entrenched in blood. A river of blood flows through our lives.
It would be a year before I learned Saphir's name or I met those people
again. I will share, though, when I did in a later cycle. Blood must be
repaid with blood as I was to learn. Either all must die or someone must
end the killing.
My hand grows tired, allow me to stop here. My next letter will be
considerably longer.
Until then I remain your affectionate friend in the South.
J.

AN: So that's Jack's last story in this cycle, next one he has he will
share with Janelle.
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