[Mkguild] A Life Under the Moon V

[Jack Moore]

AN: Thanks to Matthias for pointing out I was giving these the wrong name.
It has been a very long week. In fact I have to ask for prayers and well
wishes for some things in my personal life. I will continue trying to write
but will be slowing down at this time.

A Life Under the Moon - V

How easy is it to wash frosting out of your son's fur? The answer is not
very. When I started bathing my son his wash tub was relatively warm. When
we finished it was ice cold and I had finally given up.
Sometimes you just have to throw up your hands and say good enough.
Especially when you have an excited and splashing three year old to wash.
Then you get the pleasure of trying to dry him as he won't hold still.
I know it sounds like I'm griping but I still smile when I think of bathing
my son. He was a ball of energy back then, always running or climbing onto
things. I got to spend this time chasing a streaking civet through our
little home.
You never know how much you miss those moments until you look back on them.
They'll never come again.
After the bath I dressed my son in a dry red tunic and lead him back
outside. He gripped my hand with his tiny paws as we walked through the
Keep. Kaysar's little body stayed against mine at all times. He gripped my
hand a little tighter any time someone he didn't know got to close.
"It's okay." I whispered. "Mamma's here, I'm not going to let anyone hurt
you." Kaysar's big black eyes looked up at me. He huddled a little closer
anyway. "We've just got to go thank someone Kaysar."
"Why mamma?"
"Because when someone does something or gives you something you like you
thank them. It's the polite thing to do." I said. "And you liked that
cinnamon roll your mamma got you?"
"Yeah!"
"Well we're going to thank the baker who convinced me to buy it." I tussled
his guard fur. "You can tell him thank you yourself Kaysar."
"Kay." I also wanted to check on the three morons and verify they had done
their job. Even on a day off I am on duty. I suppose that's just the way I
am.
Gregor's bakery was exactly where it had been yesterday. It's sad I have to
confirm that. The door was open when we arrived but no customers were
inside. In fact for now no one was inside but I could hear voices from the
back room.
"Smells good." Kaysar chirped. He raised his snout and deeply inhaled. His
whiskers trembled and his eyes drifted shut. I could smell faint bread but
nothing like him. Sailfin lizards don't have a good sense of smell.
"Hello?" I called out. The tiled floor and wooden ceiling shone so bright I
could see our reflections in them. Kaysar waved at his reflection in the
floor. "Good job guys you finally fixed your mess."
"Hello? Ah Warden!" Gregor popped out of the back room, wiping his hands on
his apron. "I'm surprised to see you today."
"Well we finished our picnic and thought we'd come and thank you for the
cinnamon rolls." I said. "I also wanted to see if the three I sent to help
you had done a good job." Gregor shrugged.
"They cleaned alright but I had to arm twist the little one into doing
anything. He seemed to revel in ignoring me."
"That's Tamir." I said. Kaysar had by now let go of my hand and exchanged
it for my leg. His fuzzy head drifted out occasionally to look at the
Capybara. Gregor's eyes focused in on him.
"Hello there! Who is this?"
"This is my son Kaysar." I said while gently nudging my son loose. "Kaysar,
this is Gregor."
"Hi Kaysar!" My son didn't say anything. He just watched the baker with
wide eyes. "What's the matter?"
"Oh he's a little shy." I smiled. "Kaysar this is Gregor, he baked you that
cinnamon roll. Tell him thanks." Kaysar's ears fell back.
"You made it?" Gregor nodded. "Thank you!"
"It was my pleasure Kaysar." He said. Kaysar finally came free of my leg
and stumbled over to Gregor. Without a word he hugged the Capybara's leg.
"He can be friendly also though." I said.
"I can tell." Kaysar let go and smiled at Gregor.
"I wanna another!" I suppressed a laugh at this.
"You'll have to ask your mother." Gregor said to Kaysar. My son spun
towards me with a big smile on his face. I shook my head.
"Sorry Kaysar but one is enough for now." Kaysar whimpered and his fur
raised on the back of his neck. Despite this he came back and grabbed my
hand. "Thank you again Gregor. I'll make sure to come back around here
sometime."
"I'll look foreword to it." Gregor said. "You're welcome here any time." We
thanked him again and headed back outside.
The sky was fire orange and every building drenched the ground in shadow.
Kaysar yanked on my arm so I kneeled and let him climb onto my shoulders.
"Thanks mamma!" His little claws held onto my neck. "I wanna picnic
everyday!" I reached up and scratched his back, getting his tail to stick
out straight.
"I wish we could Kaysar. I wish we could." We walked back to our home, my
son beginning to yawn along the way.

***

Kaysar slept early that night after a day full of activity. I had to stay
up though; there was still a journal entry I needed to write. So my candle
was lit and my quill was scratching away.
The words flowed from me but I did not see them. In fact I was no longer in
this room but with my son still having fun. And I was with the bull who I
still wasn't sure I should train. And I was with Triche accepting the
chance for promotion.
"And I still don't know what to do." I rubbed my aching temples. "Kaysar
thinks I can do anything. I wonder what he'd think of his mamma now?"
For a few brilliant moments I had forgotten all about my dilemma. I had
been a mother to my son and not a Corporal or a Loony or anything else.
When would I have that option again?
If I started training the bull or became a Sergeant those would become my
time sinks. Could I still be a mother to my son?
"I'll have to try." I closed my journal. "Not getting anywhere with this
tonight." I thumped my tail against the floor. "I become a Sergeant, what
is the positive?
"Answer I make a lot more money and I am one step closer to being Justicar.
I want to fix the justice system in Metamor and this is how I'll do it. I
have to start somewhere, this is my chance." I nodded to myself.
"Negatives though? My son is young and I'm taking up work that'll give me
less time with him. I can still become a Sergeant later..." I sighed. "But
I want this now though. I want to train that bull also."
Then just do it and stop worrying. It's not impossible. I can do anything.
I looked at my room where my son slept.
"I can do anything." These words sounded hollow but I said them anyway. "I
can do anything and I will." My mind was made up. I could do it all.
The next day my hunt for the bull would continue. But more on that later.

AN: Janelle originally had a much longer self discussion but I cut it. It
doesn't fit. This woman is decisive. Even when she's uncertain, that is
temporary. She will make a choice. She will live it it.
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